Full Throttle

If you’re a parent, as I am of two under age 13 girls, you’ll get the title reference right away.

If you’re not, or you’re too damn cheap to get cable and access to the Disney Channel, suffice it to say Hanna Montana is the teenage equivalent to say… Sarah Palin about now. It’s Montana all day, all the time.

However, if your a NASCAR fan the meteorological version of Hanna that currently swirls it’s way up the Eastern Seaboard is just as intrusive as her Pop Rock sister.

Both NASCAR events at Richmond this weekend have been postponed as the feeder bands of the storm moved across the Commonwealth of Virginia.

Both races will be run on Sunday, the Chevy Rock & Roll 400 Cup race is scheduled for 1 p.m. Sunday. (See, you really can stop rock and Roll!) The Nationwide Emerson 250 is set for 7 p.m. Sunday with both events shifting to one of the ESPN channels.

And can someone tell this guy to go get bent? (Oh wait, I think I just did!) Drivers have been fighting the rain Gods their entire careers this delay will have no measurable effect on them. A piece of advice, get yer-self some free show tickets and commiserate with your fellow psycho-scam-artist.

(Subtitled: “Here We Go Again!”)

According to the NASCAR press release the sanctioning body will debut the new NNS car during the first of two scheduled tests Monday and Tuesday, Sept. 8-9, at Richmond International Raceway.

Wednesday, Sept. 10, is set as the rain date which may be the only smart thing printed in the release given Hurricane Hanna roaring up the Eastern Seaboard at present.

For those with dusty memories the Half-Vast Staff™ of Full Throttle was at the forefront of criticism of the testing program NASCAR produced for CoT introduction in Sprint Cup. With some teams (yeah I’m pointing at you Jack) holding what amounted to a boycott, albeit a silent one vice public declaration, by just not showing up on many occasions.

Additionally, we were just as critical of the cars roll-out, forcing teams to compete with both versions of the Cup CoT in 2007 was nothing more than an exercise normally seen in governmental circles, “waste, fraud and abuse.” It did nothing but add additional cost to the teams and those it hurt most - the smaller one and two car operations - had the least ability to withstand the economic pressure.

When last heard NASCAR’s intentions are to have the NNS CoT debut in the last half of the 2009 season. As seen from the Robin Pemberton quotes below that seems to have been changed, proof even and old dog can learn new tricks I suppose. Or just proof they don’t want to risk being lambasted in public by owners and fans like the were during 2007.

“The goal of this test is for the manufacturers and participating teams to start laying a foundation for the transfer phase from the current car to the new car in the Nationwide Series,” said Robin Pemberton, NASCAR’s vice president of competition.

The cars will be on track in their current stages of development and the test data will be shared among the manufacturers, teams and NASCAR.

“We’re still in the process of approving the cars,” Pemberton said. “This wasn’t a quick process on the NASCAR Sprint Cup side and it won’t be with these cars. We’ve also been talking to teams and they’ve indicated they’d be better suited budget-wise to spend a full season building cars instead of a mid-year transition.

“We’ve had this style of chassis for more than two years in the NASCAR Sprint Cup Series and many questions have already been answered,” he said. “In applying the new car to the Nationwide Series, we fully anticipate the teams to be as competitive and resourceful as possible throughout the developmental process.”

Kudos for apparently shit-canning the mid-year transition BS.

Also note that may be an indication the competition roll-out for NNS won’t be next year. Given NASCAR’s R&D facility, that at times is rather cartoonish, and the limited time between now and Daytona 2009 there’s no way in hell the original time-line will be met.

With luck NASCAR won’t make their other glaring mistake, if teams fail to show up for any of the test sessions they need to whip out the Ultimatum Dispatcher and lay it on the line.

Test or else.

Eventually, when near the final version of development, that ultimatum should come with this caveat: Test with as near a full field of cars as possible. If that means the R&D facility mass produce the car to take financial pressure off the much smaller NNS teams so be it. Just “get-R done” as the saying goes.

What remains to be seen is the actual car. Unless I’ve missed it no specifics beyond it not taking the form of the new generation Pony Cars entering the marketplace and general declarations it won’t have a wing are about all that has been published.

If anyone has seen something other than what I noted and the additional safety measures being part of the car drop a hint in a comment and I’ll update the post.

IN OTHER news you can lose: “Don’t Cry for Me Argentina Robby Gordon.” They’re not crying Robby, they’re just suing your marquee jumping butt.

If only to disprove I only point out the “down side” to Robby, not that his minions will believe it, Robby along with Rusty Wallace and the NASCAR Angels presented Army Spc. Josh Grant with his totally refurbished Ford F-150 pickup today.

Grant is an Army mechanic who was wounded by a roadside bomb in Iraq and is recuperating at the Warrior in Transition Unit at Fort Lee. NASCAR put the value of the work done on the 2004 truck at $20,000.

Both drivers took part in the filming of the presentation ceremony attended by Grant’s fellow soldiers and friends and family. The show will air on the The Hallmark Channel in October.

Technorati Tags: NASCAR, Nationwide Series, NNS CoT, RIR, Richmond International Raceway

Citing violations of state safety codes at Cochran Motor Speedway following the death of a race fan this past weekend, state officials closed the facility Wednesday until further notice.

The investigation came about after Cynthia Nobles, 43, of Danville, was killed and four others were injured during a race Saturday night when a tire and part of an axle flew from a race car and landed in a section of the pit area where there was no fence between the race cars and spectators.

Nobles died Monday at The Medical Center of Central Georgia from her injuries.

State Insurance and Fire Safety Commissioner John Oxendine said Wednesday the track doesn’t meet safety codes.

“We are taking the position that we believe there were violations of state regulations,” he said. “We’ve ordered (the track) closed until further notice. … There shouldn’t have been anybody in that area. There was no barriers or fencing of any type.”

Oxendine said the track would have to apply to reopen and present a case to his office. He added that the track could face some sort of punitive action, but citing the ongoing investigation, he declined to be specific.

“A disciplinary action is very highly probable,” he said. “I’ve turned it over to my enforcement staff to take the appropriate action.”

Track officials already had issued a statement before the investigation that this weekend’s race would be canceled out of respect for the victims and their families. But after Oxendine’s ruling, other races on the schedule are in doubt.

A few weeks ago, a boy and his mother were injured by flying debris at the track, but nothing was reported to Oxendine’s office, he said.

Winford Johnson, the track’s promoter, said everyone who enters the pit area signs a legal waiver of liability and indemnity agreement. The waiver tells the signer that he or she “assumes full responsibility for risk of bodily injury, death or property damage” while in the pit area.

Johnson said the track’s management is working to address issues raised by Oxendine’s investigative team. He said a fence is in the process of being built in that area and should be complete by next Thursday. The fence costs $15,000, he said.

To the best of my knowledge the employment line outside NASCAR’s world headquarters has been fairly short given the lack of job openings available. (Excluding crew chiefs & drivers whose jobs are always subject to being eliminated at the drop of a hat.)

However, given NASCAR’s latest pronouncement from… On High, I’m beginning to wonder if Cosmo G. Spacely may have a shot at a starting position.

It seems as though someone awoke from a deep sleep and decided to impose the current carb spacer reductions on NNS entries and apply them to all Craftsman Truck entries effective today. Henceforth all NCTS engines with a cylinder bore spacing of 4.470 inches or more must compete using the smaller tapered spacer used in NNS.

I know what you’re thinkin’, Mr. Spacely turned out sprockets at his most industrious orbital plant, but really, how much of a retooling would it take to go from sprockets to spacers? They both start out as a blank piece of flat metal of various compositions.

And hey, Cosmo G. could sub-contract some of the work out. Rumor has it Stewart-Haas Racing has on premises a butt-load of CNC machines that could turn out tapered spacers faster than NASCAR can issue mid-season rule changes.

But that is just a rumor.

And, let’s be honest. Look at the picture, Mr. Spacely epitomizes both in actions and appearance how NASCAR operates.

“We need one: A worker who’s total loyalty is to Spacely Sprockets NASCAR. And, of course, to me: President, CEO, and all-around sweetiepie. Two: someone expendable” - Cosmo G. Spacely.

He’ll fit right in.

UPDATE: Despite the “slime job” I gave NASCAR above they do, on occasion, get it right. The Commission just issued their ruling on the Gibbs NNS penalties and have rescinded the drivers probation given to Logano and Stewart. Look out the window, is there a Blue Moon?

First it was Scott Speed who crossed, or recrossed more accurately, the Atlantic to distinguish himself in the ARCA RE/MAX Series after a season or two in the F1 Circus.

The possibility exists Anthony Davidson may reprise Speed’s trip across the Atlantic seeking employment.

Anthony Davidson could be poised to swap his dream of returning to an F1 race seat for guaranteed employment in the US-based IndyCar Series.

While former Super Aguri F1 team-mate Takuma Sato is being touted as a possible member of Scuderia Toro Rosso in 2009, Anthony Davidson’s future may lie outside of Formula One altogether.

Sato was this week granted a test with STR, set for Jerez in mid-September, but the possibilities for Davidson’s future remain few and far between, despite the Briton insisting that he would be happy settling back into a development role if it meant that he kept a high enough profile for race teams to remember him.

While former Super Aguri F1 team-mate Takuma Sato is being touted as a possible member of Scuderia Toro Rosso in 2009, Anthony Davidson’s future may lie outside of Formula One altogether.

Sato was this week granted a test with STR, set for Jerez in mid-September, but the possibilities for Davidson’s future remain few and far between, despite the Briton insisting that he would be happy settling back into a development role if it meant that he kept a high enough profile for race teams to remember him.

Since Davidson’s visit to Detroit, Panther Racing has signed fellow Briton Dan Wheldon to race the #4 Dallara next season, but is reportedly trying to find the finance for a second entry.

While current Panther driver Vitor Meira would be high on team boss John Barnes’ shopping list, Davidson is now part of that same list along with GP2 race winner Mike Conway, including several other IndyCar teams - with an impressive testing debut at Infineon Raceway last month.

Related articles:

• Takuma Sato offered F1 lifeline with Scuderia Toro Rosso

Remember Twisted Sister?

No, not the old Cup car that resembled an arthritic snake after NASCAR body shops spent years twisting Ford, Chevy and Dodge bodies beyond any recognition.

No, I refer to the rock group Twisted Sister that sang “You Can’t Stop Rock an Roll?”

Well at this point, and it’s early in it’s lifespan and progress up the coast is slow, but Hanna may prove the songs lyrics false you can stop Rock and Roll [400].

Richmond International Raceway officials said yesterday they are monitoring Tropical Storm Hanna but the weekend’s NASCAR events, including the Chevy Rock & Roll 400 Saturday at 8 p.m., “are currently scheduled to run as planned.”

The last time a Saturday night race at RIR was rained out (the Crown Royal 400 on May 5, 2007), it started on Sunday at 1:15 p.m.

I’m betting the event runs Sunday, or later.

I tried, I really did.

In fact I burned up Google and the language conversion sites looking for correctly saying good-by in the Gaelic language. I turned up nothing so… in English: Good-by Dario Franchitti.

A well known, if not over used phrase comes to mind: “Life’s a bitch, and then you marry one, and then you join a Ganassi NASCAR Team.”

Yeah, go ahead Ganassi fans jump my butt. Before you do give me a plausible reason why a guy can have such a successful run in sport cars and IndyCar and suck hind teat on a boar hog in NASCAR.

In other news you can lose: Is there anything Kyle Busch can’t win at?

Kyle Busch and NHRA star Tony Shumacher raced a pair of street legal cars down Bruton Smith’s just opened Z-Max dragway Tuesday. Busch won all three passes down the quarter mile.

Those that follow Formula One with any regularity know without hesitation Bernie Ecclestone is a nitwit and isn’t afraid to parade that fact before the general public at the drop of a hat.

But even well known nitwits can outdo themselves, witness Bernie’s latest as he opines on London’s 2012 efforts to hold that years Summer Olympics:

“I can’t see how London, or anyone, will follow that,” said the 77-year-old billionaire referencing the recently concluded Beijing Olympics, adding he didn’t want any part of the planning for or conducting the event.

“I wouldn’t want to be involved. There is only one way down for anyone who is involved. If it goes well you are not going to get any credit, and if it goes badly you’re going to get the blame.”

Ecclestone added that he believes London – and its transport system in particular – will cope with the challenge of welcoming the games ‘with great difficulty’, whilst quipping when he was asked if he had any advice for event organizers: “I suppose pray there’s an earthquake or something so it doesn’t happen.”

Bernie, one question, if praying for an earthquake is the preferred method of avoiding a problem why didn’t you and Max “The Littlest Perv” Mosley do the same for the 2005 United States Grand Prix?

So, when will the new restrictor plate be issued?

I mean if NASCAR can selectively give an entire marquee a new plate as a result of a single teams Nationwide Series performance they can certainly give Sprint Cup Chevy teams the same after the #48 made a shambles of the Fontana field Sunday. Right?

They will won’t they? Or am I by chance wishing upon a dry well? (If you hadn’t noticed those were rhetorical questions - ed.)

But hey, it could be far worse than having a single team dominate as Johnson did Sunday. In fact it has been worse, far worse (at many times, at many places and far more wins than even Kyle has now), so be careful what you wish for.

Can we call the Fontana track snake-bit?

Sure you can lay some blame on piss-poor marketing - at least I do - and some poor scheduling by NASCAR that may be solved somewhat in 2009 but really, how else do you describe yellow caution lights falling onto the track, twice, anything but snake-bit?

It’s not like they were smacked by a careening race car, they fell of their own volition and seemed to fall as a result of the whoosh of passing race cars. Is that proof positive the new Sprint Cup car “sucks?”

UNDER THE RADAR: Anyone but me notice Robby Gordon’s slow inexorable slide out of the top 35? He sits in 35th a mere 18 pts ahead of Penske’s #77 - which may be his saving grace - and 55 ahead of the #00. And to make matters slightly worse he has to peddle a bit faster at this weeks venue where his average finish has been a tick over 30th. Oh… and Hornish has averaged 23rd is his short time in Cup at RIR.

IN OTHER NEWS: Frank Kimmel did his best Jimmie Johnson impression in the 56th Southern Illinois 100 Monday afternoon dominating on the one mile dirt surface. Patrick Sheltra was runner-up and ageless Ken Schrader, in his self-own Federated Auto Parts Chevrolet, finished third. That Scott Speed guy crossed the line in eighth and maintains a 75 point advantage over second place Roush driver Ricky Stenhouse, Jr in the points battle.

And finally… China wins, China WINS!

P.S. The small black object in the Fontana sun-setting sky in the image above is NASCAR’s newly formed Cheating Police Eye-in-the-Sky. Equipted with the latest spy gear, such as a civillian version of the U.S. Navys MAD Gear to detect magnetic anomalyies and other illegal subtrafuge by those EVIL “cheaters,” it will be in use at all NASCAR events from now until, well all… perpetuity actually. If that can be called a time limit.

Bill Wilson, CEO of Pitroadmotorsports.com, announced that its online store will be selling a new line of NASCAR merchandise - apparel geared towards the medical and healthcare industry - Scrubs, both tops and bottoms, available in all the popular NASCAR drivers logos.

The Scrubs from Landau are available in number of colors and design for both male and female professionals.

Question, was the marketing genius that thought this one up under the intimate care of an anesthesiologist at the time? It would explain the drug induced thought process.

On the other hand it could open up an entirely new marketing venue for NASCAR.

Wilson and Brian France can use the well known marketing scam of “product placement” by having the actors on Scrubs and Grey’s Anatomy wear hospital scrubs adorned with NASCAR logos.

Hell, the always cantankerous Jack in the Hat, who many claim is devoid of “bedside manner,” (Just ask Toyota Execs) could make a guest appearance on House for a head-to-head match of irreverence and curmudgeon[ness] with Dr. Gregory House.

The winner would receive a complete DVD collection of the ’70’s TV series Marcus Welby, M.D.

On the other, other hand my idea is just as ludicrous as that of having medical professionals wearing uniforms that have been NASCAR-ized.