Full Throttle

It’s far past time for NASCAR to tell NEXTEL to take a long walk off a short pier.

By now everyone has heard of the “NEXTEL Whine” with regards to Jeff Burton’s #31 Cingular sponsored ride. AT&T finally had to move to their last resort and filed a civil lawsuit in an attempt to place their logos on the #31.

Hey NEXTEL, ya want me to call you a Whaaaaabulance?

Now another shoe has dropped in Atlanta. The Man in Black, (literally & figuratively) Robby Gordon, ran his #7 at Los Wages last week sans sponsorship. The literal part of The Man in Black.

This week as Robby rolled the #7 out of the transporter it was adorned with Motorola decals on the hood and fenders. For a hot second.

By the time practice rolled around NEXTEL wielded it’s version of Thor’s Hammer and the #7 was back in black (sorry AC DC) with the only visible signs of Motorola logos on the cars C-post.

“Nextel has said that Motorola is a competitor and has asked NASCAR to remove Motorola decals off the No. 7 Ford,” Gordon said. “I don’t understand why it can be an associate sponsor but they can’t be a primary. As you can see, there are still Motorola decals on the C post.”

As an entitlement sponsor, Nextel’s contract takes precedence, according to NASCAR spokesman Kerry Tharp.

“As the sanctioning body, it is NASCAR’s responsibility to police the sport,” Tharp said. “There are certain contractual agreements that must be abided by as they pertain to paint schemes and sponsorships and how they are utilized. This was one of those cases.”

“Responsibility to police the sport” Tharp says. Excuse me a moment…

BAWhhhhaaaaaaaa….!! And a quick wipe of the monitor with my spittle rag I’m back.

Another victim of the “NEXTEL Whine.”

Let me pose a quick question or two and formulated by an arm chair lawyer who has never set eyes on the NASCAR/NEXTEL contractual agreement.

What happens to the NEXTEL Cup Series in 2008? Will it be the Sprint Cup? The Sprint-NEXTEL Cup? The Sprint, formerly known as the “NEXTEL Whine,” Cup?

The point being because of a corporate merger Sprint feels no remorse in sending NASCAR’s premier series ass over tea kettle by forcing a change to the entire marketing campaign. And HWSBO has cast off his normal dictatorial nature and has laid down like an obedient puppy.

Oh, and did I mention the subject merger occurred long after the NEXTEL contract was agreed to and signed.

This arm chair lawyer sees that as an out. Assuming someone had the testicular fortitude.

NEXTEL, their new corporate minders Sprint and their bevy of overpriced shysters need to be told in no uncertain terms… screw off.

Settle the Burton issue, even if they have to stick on the AT&T logos on the #31, and the Motorola logos on the #7 themselves and let the shysters do what they do best, collect retainer fees and question why the defendants and judge are wearing the same tie.

Follow that up with announcing drivers during the 2008 season will be vying for the 2008 Bill France Championship in honor of the sports roots. And as quickly as possible commission a new championship cup along the lines of the NHL’s Stanley Cup.

It would include an actual “cup,” not something that looks like the survivor of a mid-western tornado and a list of all past winners of the championship and updated with each years winning driver and team.

If Sprint doesn’t like it, screw’em. Let’em they can take their cash somewhere else. There are other Fortune 500 companies that will step into the breech.

Did anyone notice there was actual racing Friday? And no lawyers were in the starting line-up.

Mike Skinner followed up his Thursday appearance on Fox’s morning show with his 31st NCTS win Friday night. And the usual, if not surprising with his recent performance, Rocket Ryan Newman won the pole for Sunday’s [Bill France] Cup event.

And finally, someone has noticed the Tasmanian Devil. Congrats Monte, ’bout time someone in the MSM woke up.

UPDATE: I should have known putting too much stock in what Robby Gordon had to say in the quotes provided above. Lee Spencer reports Gordon stretched the credibility envelope:

Gordon hoped for resolution as well. Gordon submitted his application with Motorola on March 1 and says NASCAR requested the paint scheme on March 8. The transporter with the cars and logos left Charlotte on Thursday before NASCAR warned Gordon he could not run “Motorola” on the hood.

So Gordon and crew took the chance, and lost. The team could have easily remained “in black” and gotten the final ruling at Atlanta and if allowed placed Motorola logos on the car. But they didn’t and a week after leaving Las Vegas a roll of the dice cost them.

UPDATE II: That Man is Black is no longer ebony. NASCAR has brokered a deal where Gordon can use a paint scheme that features a digital audio player sold by Motorola.

NASCAR, NEXTEL Cup, Sports, Atlanta Motor Speedway, Auto Racing, Motorsports, Full Throttle

Homer: How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?

Nextel Cup director John Darby speaking of running the CoT for the full 2008 season: “It’s a pain in the butt for the teams to run two parallel programs with two different race cars,” Darby said. “It’s a pain for us to manipulate and work and apply two different rule books, two different inspection procedures.”

The question that remains is what got pushed out of Darby’s, and by extension, NASCAR’s brain when they had this “two parallel programs” epiphany?

It couldn’t have been common sense. It was never a resident of any ones brain bucket otherwise they never would have hatched this hair-brained scheme.

NASCAR, NEXTEL Cup, Sports, John Darby, Auto Racing, Motorsports, Full Throttle

Sports Illustrated has enlisted two of its writers to debate which auto racing discipline is harder to drive: F1 or NASCAR?

A laudable exercise I suppose, at least a comparison worthy of debate. And very timely with NASCAR entering its four week and the F1 Circus unfolding its tent at Albert Park this weekend.

Aside from that if you’re allotted a set number of magazine pages or digital space you have to fill it up right?

Lars Anderson was assigned, or chosen to take the side of Formula One. To say his effort is feckless would be an understatement.

He starts with the usual and generally accepted points of difference: “F1 cars possess far more acceleration and far better grip than the Cup cars” and because of that increased performance “they’re dealing with more negative G-forces on nearly every turn than the Cup boys are.”

As I said Anderson at this point in the debate demonstrates he’s a Master of Stating the Obvious. No one would disagree higher performance brings with it higher physical demands on the driver. Although it has to be said it speaks more to the physical condition of the individual driver and not his skill level behind the wheel.

At this point Anderson jumps off into a sort of perpendicular universe to complete his thoughts on F1:

When was the last time a former full-time NASCAR driver won a race on the F1 circuit? Um … well, it’s never happened. Conversely, just two Sundays ago, there was Juan Pablo Montoya, not even a year removed from Formula One, taking the checkered flag in the Busch Series event in Mexico City in just the seventh Busch start of his fledgling stock car career.

The implication of Montoya’s victory is obvious: F1 guys can win in NASCAR; NASCAR drivers, at least according to history, can’t win in F1.

Well then… issue settled. Game, set match!

Except it’s not and Lars offers some very thin gruel to support his side. He states the obvious that everyone agrees is fact then cites a Montoya “crossover” win in the Busch Series as supporting evidence.

Excuse me for also stating the obvious Lars, but if no NASCAR driver has ever attempted to compete in F1 how does that prove they can’t?

Is Lars implying NASCAR drivers are too physically challenged or, dare I say it, stupid (insert obligatory Redneck ref here), to compete at the F1 level? I’ll leave that to my readers to decide.

At this point the Half-Vast Staff

F1 supremo Bernie Ecclestone’s daughter has popped up - scantily clad - on the cover of the April edition of men’s magazine ‘FHM’.

21-year-old Tamara Ecclestone, a model and budding television presenter, is among the magazine’s list entitled The Most Eligible Woman In The World.

Among FHM’s other bachelorettes listed are Jessica Simpson, Kate Moss, Paris Hilton, Sir Mick Jagger’s model daughter Elizabeth, along with Keira Knightley, Rosamund Pike, and Sting’s offspring Mickey Sumner.

Tamara’s sister Petra would have been the better choice, however in looking at some of the company she’s keeping, specifically Simpson and Hilton, Petra would have had to slam her head into a brick wall a few times to reach the same IQ level.

We should all be thankful. Very thankful.

FHM could have compiled a list of the World’s Most Arrogant Billionaire Airheads (and shortest). The thought of a scantily clad Bernie on FHM’s cover wouldn’t be as fetching as Tamara.

More like retching.

UPDATE: In the true Ecclestone tradition of Smoke & Mirrors, all talk and little action (or the wrong action if taken). We’ve been DUPED!

The cover of the April issue of FHM has surfaced. Minus Tamara and better yet no Bernie. But honestly, no complaints will be heard from this quarter. In fact the cover shot is down right Electra-fying!

F1, Bernie Ecclestone, Formula One, Tamara Ecclestone, Sports, Auto Racing, Motorsports, Full Throttle

As much as the Champ Car World Series is pumping out the spin over their new Panoz DP01 chassis’s “record setting” prowess one has to wonder why?

The why is easy, at least it is in this portion of auto racing’s punditry. CCWS doesn’t have much else to crow about.

The new Panoz DP01 was supposed to usher in a new era of competition and allow for a new generation of owners/drivers into the sport. A new and standardized chassis would allegedly create a cheaper environment to operate in and increase the size of starting fields in 2007.

That’s what they said. Then.

As of last week’s “Spring Training” at Laguna Seca field size barely broke into double digits at 10. To put that into perspective, 10 is about half the size of a “C” Main Event at your local bullring.

Or, in a double file start the entire field crosses under the green flag in about .000001 seconds. Not a good thing.

To counter that embarrassment CCWS PR mavens put a full court press on pimping Sebastien Bourdais’ “shattering” (their word not mine) the existing Formula One lap record at Laguna Seca.

And the pimping isn’t isolated to CCWS officials. Officials behind the Gold Coast’s Lexmark Indy 300 in Australia are singing the praises of CCWS and the Panoz DP01.

To be sure three-time Series Champ Bourdais did in fact set a new lap record. But it’s like a tree that falls deep into the Amazon, who the hell hears it hit the ground? (aside from the PR mavens)

To casual motorsport fans it sounds impressive. And besting a Formula One lap record, widely regarded as the pinnacle of the sport, by one half second does sound FAST!

To those of us that have been around the block (or lap) a time or two, not so much. The “old” record was set by F1 driver Ricardo Zonta at the wheel of Toyota’s 2006 TF106.

Zonta set the record last August during the Monterey Historic Races and was a demonstration run highlighting and putting an end point on many other Toyota race cars that ran that day. Toyota engineers set out to break the record and they accomplished that.

That is to their credit. But… somehow I doubt if the TF106 was set up to the standards of say, the Silverstone starting grid. It was only a demonstration run and thought up by Toyota’s PR mavens.

Zonta isn’t exactly the second coming of Schmi or Kimi. Or even Jense. At the time Zonta was Toyota’s Man Friday, their “third driver.”

And lets not forget the TF106 was consistently a couple seconds behind the Ferrari’s and Renaults in last years World Championship. Second tier is the phrase I’m searching for, and that description is being kind.

For the record, as the saying goes, the CCWS Panoz DP01 officially holds the track record at Laguna Seca.

Not in my “record book,” like a tree in the Amazon I never “heard” this record fall.

CCWS, F1, Panoz DP01, Laguna Seca, Sports, Champ Car, World Series, Auto Racing, Motorsports, Full Throttle

This is getting beyond incredulous.

On March 9, RexCorp Realty, in partnership with Long Island Destination Group LLC, released plans for a $1 billion entertainment complex at the former Grumman air runway and testing facility, provided that the Town of Riverhead agrees to sell the property and green-light the project. The plan includes a 1/4-mile track for local weekly events

With the start of the 2007 Formula One season a short 5 days away the Half-Vast Staff™ of Full Throttle thought it would be appropriate to start a “stating the obvious file.”

Things are said that often go without saying (well duh!) and mostly shouldn’t be, or are highly noticeable without attention being drawn to the subject matter will be included in this mostly nonsensical screed.

First up is Mark Webber who traded in his Williams livery (winner of nine Constructor’s titles) to drive alongside of David Coulthard at Red Bull (winner of nadda) this season. Webber lead briefly in Australia in 2006 before his Williams blew up. Here is Webber on his chances for this year at Albert Park: “Obviously blowing up in the lead was not nice, but it was nice to be up there competing at the front.”

“I think (Red Bull is) going to have trouble repeating that this year.”

Webber’s honesty should count for something, one point at least. Which is one more than Red Bull will have come Monday morning. But all may not be lost for Red Bull, Ron Walker may have the answer that would allow for Red Bull to slip by its speedier rivals, in the dark.

The undercard for Australian GP has been called into question. V8 Supercar legend John Bowe has described the program for the Australian Grand Prix this weekend as the worst ever: