Full Throttle

Question, how many debris caution flags does it take before a title sponsor retroactively changes its name?

Your results, and the sponsors, may vary but for my purposes four of six should suffice.

Be that as it may, Smoked got smoked when it counted most and Jeffy finally captured his 76^th win tying Dale Sr. for sixth place on the all-time wins list. Classy act BTW flying the Black 3 flag to more cheers than Gordon has heard in a decade.

“Holding that 3 flag, it’s certainly by no means saying we’re as good as him. I learned so much from him. We wanted to honor him. We’ve been holding on to that flag for a long time.”

One of the first to congratulate Gordon after the was Dale Earnhardt Jr, who himself finished 19^th and last car on the lead lap.

Stewart took second, Denny Hamlin finished third and Jimmie Johnson was fourth as Chevy swept the first four places with Matt Kenseth fifth in his Roush-Fenway Fusion.

Wonder if the crowd reaction means NASCAR Nation has reached an evolutionary plateau and Jeffy won over a few fans?

Nah, I doubt it, Beelzebub (synonymous to Gordon for some fans) could have made a victory lap under a flapping 3 flag and would have been cheered. (UPDATE: speculation proven true, someone pooh-poohs Jeffy’s accomplishment because, well because Dale Sr. is dead and would have had more wins if he were still alive. Ya can’t make this stuff up folks.)

The surprise of the race was a solid 6^th place by Jeff Green for Haas Engineering. Maybe Frankenstein’s Monster gave him an assist.

Standby, more later…

“Forty-two!” yelled Loonquawl. “Is that all you’ve got to show for seven and a half million years’ work?”

“I checked it very thoroughly,” said Deep Thought,” and that quite definitely is the answer.

I think the problem, to be quite honest with you, is that you’ve never actually known what the question is.”

Meanwhile the “law firm” of Vogon & Vogon destroyed any chance the Space Cadets that run Kentucky Speedway had of getting a second NEXTEL Cup date. As a result they have had to back-peddle and have withdrawn the anti-trust portion of their lawsuit against NASCAR and International Speedway Corp.

To paraphrase Loonquawl, “Is that all you’ve got to show for 2 years of legal briefs, discovery motions and venue change requests, a back-peddle? On the primary reason for the suit in the first place no less.

Golly Gee Wiz, it’s not like this wasn’t very predictable, because it was.

Also anticipated, once a passel of shysters get their teeth sunk into a fat retainer fee they won’t let go. Now their attempting to convince the court on behalf of Kentucky’s Space Cadets that the France family should sell off either ISC or NASCAR. It also asks that ISC divest itself of eight of its 12 tracks that operate a Cup race.

Ah… excuse me, but the antitrust suit is dropped, without that being litigated and the court finding in favor of Kentucky a privately held company can’t be forced to sell anything.

Except tickets and souvenirs at the 12 tracks they own and will continue to own.

The Vogons better start building a hyperspace bypass for the owners of Kentucky Speedway to use. It may be the only way they get the answer they are looking for.

I blame the Golgafrinchans for this entire mess, but I may be wrong.

“I’m not sure Jerry, with the first 10 laps run under caution thanks to Aric Almirola and Shane Huffman, assisted by Mr. ‘Collateral’ damage Raines as a side show, it looked more like the ‘Bashers Supermarkets 200,’ back to you Doc.”

“Thanks Allen Bestwick, I always thought Bashas’ slogan was ‘Thank you for Being a Friend,’ looks as though Mr. Huffman’s office didn’t get the memo.”

Well…, now that the preliminaries are over, congratulations to Timothy Peters for a well deserved win Friday night at PIR.

What?! Thirteenth isn’t a win?

It is in my record book when the first twelve are all Cup regulars.

Question, Ward Burton finished in 20^th, can he really be called a Buschwhacker when he’s only made two of seven possible Cup starts in 2007? The reverse is almost true, when making a Cup start he could be called a “NEXTEL-whacker.”

All seriousness aside, Clint Bowyer had the field covered by leading 120 of the 200 laps and overtaking, then holding off a determined Matt Kenseth down the stretch.

Dave Blaney continues to prove he’s riding in The Little Engine Toyota that Could placing 10^th and giving both Red Bull and MWR an uplifted finger.

Speaking of single finger salutes, you have to think David Reutimann might have similar sentiments after finishing two spots behind Blaney and after the Boss absconded with his Cup crew chief.

Then the finger wagging turned verbal in the #5 camp: “I’m just privileged to be out there on the same track as Ryan Newman, Baby Busch said, and be out there on the same track and the same corner and get run right through.”

Bet Junior had similar thoughts last week as Busch was powdering his nose. Or something.

Three times a charm as they say and NASCAR’s CORN makes its third appearance this weekend in the Meatball Marinara 500, a/k/a Subway Fresh 500, a/k/a Subway Fresh 312. (312? - don’t ask)

The CORN faces its biggest test as it debuts on a one-mile track, twice the distance of its two previous tests, and at much higher speeds. At this point the car has generally produced what The Suits have wanted, close finishes.

The Bristol and Martinsville events produced winning margins of 0.064 and 0.065, respectively, but when a field of 43 cars nearly fills the entire speedway with bumper-to-bumper traffic close finishes can be expected.

Phoenix may tell a much different tale. On the other hand at least one tale remains the same.

Jeff Gordon won the pole last November and he repeats the fete by blowing away provisional pole sitter Jamie McMurrry with a speed 133.137 mph. Not so incidentally at a speed only 1.3 mph slower than last year.

Odd, I thought Smoke said the CORN drove like “an old Oldsmobile station wagon, green with wood panel trim on the sides.” That’s one fast “station wagon!”

McMurray starts outside Gordon, Denny Hamlin is third, Scott Riggs fourth and Jimmie Johnson, Gordon’s Hendrick Motorsports teammate, rounded out the top five at 132.275 mph.

Filed under “it sucks to be you” is Team Red Bull. If the image isn’t clue enough for ya, both their drivers, Brian Vickers and AJ Allmendinger, failed to make the field. Pointedly, I might add, tongue planted firmly in cheek.

As easy as it might be - both RCR and Hendricks are hotter than hot - I’m not picking either team to reach winners circle Saturday night.

Tony Stewart is home and he’s mad after last weeks shenanigans. He’s come close but hasn’t closed the deal for various reasons. There’s a very good chance he will finish everyone off this week.

Stewart considers Phoenix to be his West Coast home away from home. He has raced at the 1-mile oval in six different types of race cars — USAC Midgets, USAC Silver Crown cars, Indy cars, Supermodifieds, a NASCAR Busch Series car and a Nextel Cup car.

Stewart was asked his thoughts on returning to a place he’s seen so much success:

“When we come out to Phoenix two times a year, it’s like a homecoming each time. It’s a place where I feel comfortable. I know every inch of that race track. I’ve driven six different types of cars there, and between all those cars I’ve run at least five different lines. I feel like I know it better than most of the other folks who’ve just run stock cars there.”

Feel free to place your bets now.

Bet you thought the image that leads this piece refers to Subway. Well, that’s what you get for thinkin’. The image signifies a MeatBall Update.

Ya now how a baseball team sits on a record of 3 and 23 and the manager gets the axe, in April? Same with an 2 for 11 NFL team, the head coach gets a job buffing the astoturf.

Well… guess it’s the same with crew chiefs, you sink below the Mendoza Line and it’s Sayanara. Scott Eggleston is out as crew chief and Buddy Sisco is in as crew chief of the MeatBall’s #55.