Full Throttle

Kurt Busch had a plan for Sunday’s 600 at LMS. For a while it worked, starting from the second hole he dominated the first 180 laps then a meeting of the #2 with the wall and deflated Goodyear laid waste to his plan. His race ended just short of 3/4 mark and a new plan was drawn up, for next week.

The Grandest Plan of all was hatched by Brian Vickers, his was a blueprint for a shot heard around the world, Toyota’s first NASCAR win at the NEXTEL Cup level. First the power assist on the Toy went out and on lap 337 the Toy met concrete but in the end he rode the Bull home in fifth place and the Toyota Brigade’s first top five finish.

The Red Bull team threw a little impromptu party during a Q & A Saturday, I’m not sure I want to know about the aftermath of a fifth place finish.

But wait… there was also a Grand-Daddy plan in action Sunday. The origin is unknown, possibly drawn up by the ghost of Tim Flock’s monkey Jocko Flocko.

How else to explain a finishing order where the top five all had their best finish of the year including Casey Mears’ first NEXTEL Cup win and Kyle Petty’s first top five since Mathusala was a pup?

Admittedly the first 65 laps were a blur of crashed metal and flying parts (and a flying #24) as 25% of the starting field sat in the garage, some thrashing machinery, others loading transporters. It was enough to give your humble blogger a Humpy Flashback, or two.

As all 600’s do, things settled down considerably through the middle laps with the occasional debris caution and single car spins that acted as a prelude to a frantic finish.

The finish turned out to be a fuel economy run after the last yellow on lap 337 for the Vickers touch-and-go with the wall. Mears had enough for the win running dry on the cool down lap. Johnson, Martin, Stewart, Dale Jr. and Hamlin all pitted in succession within the last ten laps for gas handing the win to Mears.

“We were a third-place or fourth-place car at best,” said Mears. “Our game plan was to conserve fuel. I have to thank Darian (Grubb), it was an excellent call.”

Assuming Jocko Flocko’s ghost did engineer this wacky race it has to be noted he didn’t entirely change the status quo. This was Hendrick Motorsports’ fifth straight win - and the ninth victory in the last ten races.

Indianapolis Motor Speedway has many traditions one of them being the early spring rains common in the mid-west that often determine the outcome of the 500.

Such was the case Sunday as the predicted showers interrupted the race just past the crossed flags for three hours then caused a premature checker flag to fly at the 415 mile marker.

Crossing under the checkers was Mr. Ashley Judd, more commonly known to the racing fraternity as Dario Franchitti. Dario survived a gamble on both the rain and by not pitting when the leaders did for fuel for a final dash to the finish.

Franchitti won it under a caution light brought out when teammate Marco Andretti crashed three laps from the abbreviated end.

In a not-so fitting bookend to May that saw the media once again make the month Danica-time, all the time (not to mention a sidebar stories about “Milkalicous” Duno), Dario shared the limelight of the traditional Bottle of Milk reserved for the winner with wife Ashley Judd in a rain-soaked and clingy summer dress. (soon to come, wire service slideshows peppered with images of Ashley’s Winner’s Circle attire)

More to come…. there’s another race on doncha know.

In an uneventful race through the streets of Monaco reigning World champion Fernando Alonzo started from the pole and was never headed, lapping all but his teammate, and Wonderkind, Lewis Hamilton and Ferrari’s Felipe Massa who finished in the last podium spot.

The Spaniard’s second victory of the season took him back to the top of the Formula One championship on race wins but level on 38 points with 22-year-old rookie Hamilton.

“I have never won with more than a minute to the third guy,” he added. “For sure, this is the easiest and probably nicest victory so far.

“It’s not easy to enjoy driving here, and I did today thanks to a fantastic car.”

Current constructors champion Renault scored their best result so far this year as Giancarlo Fisichella cruised home in fourth place.

BMW Sauber continued their strong 2007 campaign with Robert Kubica and Nick Heidfeld fifth and sixth respectively. William’s gained their first points of the season as Alexander Wurz came home in seventh.

Dennis Setzer pick-up his 17^th career NCTS victory, running the entire rain-delayed Ohio 250 without a pit stop Saturday at Mansfield.

To here some tell it his victory was the result of driving with a light right foot and conserving fuel. For example third place finisher Ken Schrader said: “Setzer has a real good foot. If anybody could make it, he could.”

Setzer himself credited pre-race strategy that included the same line of reasoning: “With the (hard) Goodyear tire that can go 250 laps, we knew it would be a fuel mileage race,” said Setzer, who began conferring with crew chief Tom Ackerman on a no-stop strategy before the race began. “We talked before the race started. When I drove for the Dodge program, I learned how to save fuel during cautions.”

The million dollar question becomes in a race that averaged only 52.873 mph, with 103 laps of 250 run under the caution, who the hell couldn’t save gas?

Congrats to Setzer, but geesh lets get a more closer connection to reality. With that slow of a speed and so many cautions I’d bet a dollar or two if a Hummer were entered it would have finished somewhere in the top twenty.

You gotta love Texas Motor Speedway’s owner Eddie Gossage.

He’s second only to Humpy Wheeler as a promoter of both their own interests at their respective speedways but in the larger sense NASCAR aa a whole. They both hold Master degrees in Race Track Pimpology.

Gossage has looked on from afar and watched F1’s Bernie Ecclestone wax poetic about F1 world championship events held under moonlight and starry evenings in Singapore, Malaysia an Australia.

Well… Bernie’s not been so “poetic” in the Aussie’s case, more like, do it or else.

Anyway, Eddie Gossage never one to sit on the sidelines has decided what the U.S. needs is a night time grand prix event. Or at the very least instruct Bernie how to do it.

Not without experience in such things, TMS held the first starlight IndyCar event in 1997, Gossage said he sent Ecclestone an invitation to attend the night-time oval Indy car race at TMS on June 9.

“I think it would be of great interest to Mr. Ecclestone and his staff to visit Texas Motor Speedway and get an opportunity to witness and evaluate open-wheel cars running at high speeds under the lights,” Gossage told reporters.

“Although a road course would offer different challenges, we could educate them about our lighting system and discuss some of the issues we encountered when we staged the first-ever night-time race in 1997.”

Gossage hastened to add he had yet to receive a reply from Ecclestone. Shocking! No reply as yet, there must be a valid reason.

Maybe Eddie failed to include the required R

It isn’t every day news of a racing related lawsuit hits the wires and doesn’t have NASCAR listed as a defendant.

But today is one of those days.

A US appeals court has tossed to the rumble strip an attempt by US fans to get a financial do over by reclaiming their money after the FIAsco called the United States Grand Prix at Indianapolis in 2005.

Fans sued IMS, Michelin, the FIA and the racing teams involved ((Ferrari, Minardi and Jordan), arguing that Grand Prix contracts require a minimum of 12 cars to be present.

Judge Richard Cudahy concluded that a six-car race might have been “less rich, interesting or challenging than a 12-car race” but that this was not prohibited nor nonsensical under the rules.

Gee… ya think Judge?

I beg to differ Judge and file this dissenting opinion:

Bernie and Mad Max got their normal cut of the action and weren’t “less rich.” And as was normal in 2005 the Minardi-Cosworths of Albers and Friesacher found it damn “challenging” to complete any race but they did at Indy, albeit 2 laps down to the leader.

Less “interesting? Judge, I guess you got me there, I’ve got no retort.

I will note it was interesting, in a Keystone Cops sort of way, watching as 14 highly tuned F1 machines peeled-off into the pits after the parade lap as if they were part of the Bulgarian Synchronized Swimming Team. Ha-ha, I guess.

So I suppose the judge and I both are correct in our own way. But so was Speeds Bob Varsha who called the spectacle a “travesty.”

A French travesty I might add aided & abetted by Bernie and Mad Max.

Just two weeks after Dale Earnhardt Jr. announced he would be leaving DEI (Don’t Expect Interest) the team has signed 16 year old Trevor Bayne to a development contract.

“Who wouldn’t like to work with Dale Earnhardt, Jr.? He’s the top person in NASCAR, as far as marketing and sponsors and fans,” the former Gibbs High School student said Friday on the News Sentinel’s radio show, The Sports Page.

“But then again, it also gives me a chance to shine and I’m not going to be following in his footsteps as much.”

He better get all the work with Dale Jr. as possible for obvious reasons.

Seems the “norm” today is for young drivers to not be so young experience wise. The youngster is a veteran of 11 years, eight in dirt go-karts, in which he won 22 championships. He then competed in the Allison Legacy 3/4-scale car circuit and beat Cup star Brian Vickers’ record for youngest rookie and youngest championship.

Now, Bayne is competing in the USAR Hooters Pro Cup Southern Division, where he was named rookie of the year in 2006. He’ll also run in three NASCAR Grand National Busch Series East events this season.

“He’s proven that he has great potential,” Max “Mr. Entertainment” Siegel, DEI’s president of global operations, told the Associated Press. “With our people and resources behind him, we know he can fulfill it.”

Welcome the the hornet’s nest Trevor. I have a feeling the kids going to need talent, luck and a lot more support from the racing side of DEI that has been sorely missing recently.

UPDATE: File this under “the other end of the age spectrum.” The racer Montreal fans love, or love to hate (pssst, it ain’t just Montreal fans - ed), seems destined for another go at Circuit Gilles Villeneuve when NASCAR’s Busch Series makes it’s first Canadian appearance in August.

Tracy broke the news during a break in a two-day Champ Car test at Circuit Mont Tremblant, where the open-wheel series will race on July 1.

“I’m 90% sure I’ll be racing NASCAR in Montreal,” said Tracy, who with 30 career victories is the winningest active driver in Champ Car competition. “I’m pretty close to putting a deal together [which] should come together in the next couple of weeks.”

Ah-huh. What’s that they say about “famous last words?”

I’ll believe it when I see it, RCR was none too impressed when Tracy tested for Childress last year. Richards said something to the effect of “don’t call us, we’ll call you.”

Tracy claims the deal is with “a top team, and a top-level car that’s won races this year.”

That narrows it down to RCR, Roush, Ganassi, Petty and Gibbs.

I’m guessing Ganassi will snag another “foreigner.” Wouldn’t that be something. The combustible Montoya and the incendiary Tracy. On the same team. On the same road course.

If they ever got together and took each other out there wouldn’t enough gigabits in enough digital recorders to contain all the quotes.

As Michael Waltrip continues to struggle, the latest being a crash in Charlotte that keeps him out of the 600, and his seasonal point remains at -27 Toyota’s marquee team has also missed the yearly power list of NASCAR personalities.

Frankly, and despite my continued “snark shots” I take at Mikey, I’m a little surprised he didn’t sneak in among the 43 listed. I mean, come on, as much press he gained by the shift to Toyota, the luring of drivers and their sponsors he IS Toyota’s face in NASCAR.

Obviously the face has gotten as grimy as a 10 year old in a fresh mud puddle but you have to admit other than the Tereasa-Gate story Mikey has had a strangle hold on the press all year.

Moreover, he could easily replace #27 on the list. Jim Hunter while having an impressive title, NASCAR vice president for corporate communications, is nothing more than a bobblehead the Larger Suits prop up before the cameras when something goes wrong. (and the semi-annual “thing that goes right”)

Mikey’s absence is not the only surprise.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. and sis Kelly checks in at #3 while evil Step-Mother Teresa and DEI (”Don’t Expect Interest”) is slotted more than a few floors down at #33. That’s a 30 spot difference between a “name” and a “step-name,” if you get my drift.

Boggity, boggity, boggity and Larry McReynolds at #40? “What they say on the air has a lot to do with how fans feel about what’s going on,” it says of their entry.

Maybe their right? Most fans tune out just after hearing “boggity, boggity, bogggity” and crank the sound up on the radio feed to find out what’s going on.

It’s an interesting list but unless you have no life and spend 24/7 drinking NASCAR Kool-Aid a dozen or more on the list are nonentities and so far in the background the average fan goes, “huh!”

OH… and BTW, HWSBO tops the list…. Doh!!

On what arguably is America’s greatest weekend of racing - assuming you believe The Greatest Spectacle in Racing and NASCAR’s longest race of the year deserve that title - why is the story about an ex-stripper being sentenced for fraud the headline on 19 of 38 stories crossing the wires in the last 6 hours.

Is there nothing else to write?

(NOTE to media moguls, I work cheap. Even if I resort to making sh*t up you’d be much further ahead than wasting space on NASCAR’s Femme Fatale)

Besides, one would think as much ink as Jack in the Hat received over his Toyota bashing one of those links would have highlighted NASCAR’s resident Whine Master bashing the Chevy teams now.

It has to be!

How else to explain Hendrick Motorsports failing to win the pole for one of NASCAR’s marquee events? Go ahead, I dare you to spin a tale of why Jimmie Johnson sits in the eleventh row at his home track that doesn’t include black helicopters and mucho-denero payoffs?

And while adjusting that foil hat puzzle away on why Hendricks least performing driver in 2007 was the teams highest qualifier? (NOTE: Jeffy gets a pass, his slow time is attributed to an acute case of “Stork Fever,” I think)

Come on all you conspiracy nuts admit it, NASCAR has finally tired of being accused of overlooking every Hendrick rule infraction, told Ray as much and the Hendrick stable had to present themselves in the tech line completely legal!

And qualifying suckage commenced.

Right?

On the other hand the conspiracy theorists can take heart. As NASCAR’s Evil Hendrick Plotters plans have blown up in their faces a new one has come to the fore.

Witness Charlotte’s front row and the pole sitter for the Indy 500. It’s the birth of the Penske Perfidy Plot to rule the racing world.

Then again Penske may have just kicked everyone’s ass fair and square. I tend to believe Penske just went about kicking ass, listing the names along the way.

For the sake of full disclosure, I misplaced my favorite foil hat so the above may or may not resemble my “normal reality” and you can discard any part of it, or all of it.