Full Throttle

1. If you lined every corporate logo from a typical NASCAR race up end-to-end, the resulting chain would stretch from the Earth to the moon and almost halfway back.

2. Every NASCAR driver makes use of all the products he endorses. So keep sending Jeff Gordon letters asking him if he uses Depends. (A moment of silence over the loss of Beaudroux’s Buttpaste as a NASCAR sponsor)

3. The National NASCAR Museum in Charlotte, NC features dozens of interactive exhibits on the history of the sport, including a working moonshine still.

4. Though traditionally associated with white-trash meth addicts, NASCAR has recently begun to attract fans from all walks of life including pandering politicians, disaffected loners, impressionable children, confused Azheimer’s victims and recently refugees from a carnival’s bottle toss game.

5. NASCAR drivers are allowed no more than three coconuts in their car at any one time. The penalty for carrying excess coconuts is $3.76.

6. Many NASCAR drivers suffer extreme depression when they realize they have been driving for three hours only to end up where they started. NASCAR drivers often seek professional help (image above: Pacman, the official psychologist of NASCAR. Familiar with pointlessly racing in a circle with no end in sight. ).

7. NASCAR is the second to last on the list of cool sports right above curling and right below bobbing for apples.

8. Nascar is the only sport known to have a man, and the occasional woman, take a crap and piss at the same time whilst going 200 miles per hour.

NASCAR, NEXTEL Cup, Sports, Auto Racing, Motorsports, Full Throttle