Full Throttle

Really! What ARE YOU waiting for?

It’s Christmas in July, treat yourself to an early present. Be cool.

All the “cool” people are already riding the FTC bandwagon such as Steve & Charlie (Who are copycats BTW), Clance’ (another copycat), that crazy Cannuck Bob and many more.

Join the fun, join the Full Throttle Club now, no excuses excepted and no warranties offered. (Our shysters won’t let us offer any!)

A quick note, posts may be a little on the light side for the next few days as I struggle with a new theme and design for Full Throttle.

As the image shows it’s completely different in design and how various sections will be called up and viewed.

The header image still needs a lot of work, “Full Throttle” will replace the “sponsor” on the race car and the title needs more Photoshop work.

The second image is a gallery that will contain a slide show of the last five posts and rotates through every few seconds.

Any comments or suggestions on the design so far or something you feel needs to be added to Full Throttle content wise.

I have a death to report.

Not a death, death, but a blog’s death.

David Exum has been doing the blog thing for the Boston Herald by his count that last 4 years.

According to his last post published Saturday he’s giving it up to “seek future endeavors,” and has also decided to not cover NASCAR for the newspaper.

I have no reason to doubt that, but find it odd he’s posted a non-blog article for the Herald’s Sunday edition with no mention he be leaving that post as well.

There’s also a small thought in the back of my mind a post of 3 days ago may have helped decide to seek other assignments. Over the last few months he lost control of his own comment section and it became a cesspool of hate and the mentally challenged.

Whether that had anything to do with his departure I won’t speculate on, but will say once you let a few nutcakes have their way it can become very frustrating to deal with.

Regardless Full Throttle wishes him the best and as they say in my former profession; “fair winds and following seas.”

Yeah ok, so I’m a U.S.D.A. Prime Choice A-Hole, I readily admit it so no reminder needed.

Unfortunately some people need to be taught my normal modus operandi. Case in point:

“Steve,” apparently represents a dating website for “NASCAR singles” that many of you have probably seen advertised via the major NASCAR websites.

It would appear all that exposure isn’t enough and he has taken to sending unsolicited emails that include a press release detailing the website. I say unsolicited because the mail I was sent didn’t come via my contact page and was sent directly to me via my normal email addy.

In addition I have never visited his site or commented on it.

Which only means one thing, “Steve” has been trolling NASCAR related sites, I suspect with an emphasis on blogs, and collecting email addy’s by whatever nefarious means for his use to help pimp the website.

But never let it be said I didn’t take at least one message he sent to heart. The first line of his mail reads thusly: EDITOR: Please let us know how we can be helpful.

If any of you have received the same email obviously you’re free to deal with it as you wish, my “helpful hints” are quoted verbatim from the mail I sent to “Steve.”

Steve:

So, you want to know how you can be helpful?

Ok, lets start with this. Act like a legitimate and professional business and not troll the Internet looking for NASCAR related blogs with the sole object of collecting email addresses of the authors.

And secondly when said email addresses are gathered act responsibly with them, i.e. DO NOT send unsolicited mail that amounts to nothing more than spam pimping a junk website?

Got it Steve?

If not I can be much more, shall we say, “explicit” in my response.

Marc
Full Throttle
Asian Motor Sports
F1 Rage

Do ya think he got the message?

Hope so, ’cause I would certainly “hate” to resort to going over his little pinhead and contact his boss. (assuming he has one)

Really, I would!

It pains me to offer anything even remotely supportive of Microsoft, but even the devil spruced up in a blue dress and Chanel No. 5 has “got to be the finest girl alive.”

Microsoft may, of may not be the finest software to cruise the interwebs with, it is a highly debatable subject, but with their entry into an innovative sponsorship deal with BAM Racing as a racing fan you have to give the company some props.

Microsoft’s small business blogger has announced a promotion where you can win a VIP race weekend for two that includes the following:

• Winner may choose to attend any sanctioned race within one year of their written winner notification, based upon availability (Notice of winner’s choice of race must be given at least thirty (30) days before the desired race)
• Coach airfare for the winner and their guest from a major airport nearest the winner’s and guests respective homes (limited to the continental United States)
• Double occupancy hotel accommodations for one night
• Meals at the track during track activities
• Track access, which includes, but is not limited to: “Hot” garage/pit pass credentials, daytime use of the owner’s motor coach, meals with the team at the track, watching garage activities from team transporter, watching practices from atop the transporter, and watching the race from atop the pit box with the team owner.

Not a bad deal I’d say, especially with the rising prices we’ve seen over the last few months and the track access part of the promotion gets you so close you might be mistaken for one of those ink-stained wretches we all love to hate.

(NOTE: We are the Half-Vast Staff™ of Full Throttle and approve of this message, are willing to dog-sit your pooch while your away [you provide the pooper-scooper], empty your refrigerator and risk final damnation in Hell for saying anything positive about Gates’ billion dollar scam)

What! …You say you’ve missed the ruminations and discombobulated non-sense usually posted here from the Half-Vast Staff?

Well, don’t blame me, blame a.) a web host that operates in and uses technical expertise pulled from a time zone near One Million Years B.C. (minus the Rachel Welch bikini pics) or b.) if you must, the less intelligent, and [forever] nameless, members of The Staff that stayed with The Despicable Host so long.

Be that as it may, there’s good news. The Despicable Host is toast, history, KAPUT!

In its place, and under the Iron Fist of Luke, is a new and soon to be improved Full Throttle hosted at Thunder Lounge where it joins On Pit Row, Steve & Charlie’s Bench Racing and Bram at Backstretch Motorsports. (not to mention a cast of thousands)

More later, still have a lot of admin, behind the scenes work to do.

You’ve read them. You’ve probably had occasion to take serious issue with some of NASCAR’s bloggers.

But, have you heard them?

Have you had the pleasure of listening to what was on their minds, feeble as some of them may be? (See that thought balloon over my head with the little pointy arrow?)

Thanks to Charlie & Steve who preside over the syndicated NASCAR radio show On Pit Row (and Bench Racing blog) you have a chance to hear the dulcitones & the melodious melody’s of the blogosphere’s finest. (For what’s it’s worth)

• Jay Adamski - better known as Jayski, the guy who kicked this NASCAR net thing off
• Luke Poland - webmaster of and head code monkey behind Thunder Lounge - the best community in NASCAR and where you, yes even YOU can get your very own free blog
• Darren Fauth - of One Bad Wheel and developer of Champs, Chumps and Sleepers (If you ask where I stand in CCS don’t, I’ll take the Fifth)
• Tall Glass of Milk - Drink This, Answer This and the NASCAR Fanhouse at AOL
• Bob Ellis - NASCAR Ranting and Raving’s author and north of the border standout
• Bram Hume -Still the Scottish Racer and author of the great Backstretch Motorsports site

All of the above were featured on Tuesday’s show that can be accessed here, in addition to commentary and general all-round silliness from Steve and Charlie. (second thought not “here,” the Podcast isn’t up yet but will update this as soon as it is.)

And finally Mike Maruska author of the fine Trouble in Turn Two blog has a series of posts Know Your NASCAR Bloggers that just happens to include this weeks victim, um er… guest your very own Half-Vast Staff™ of Full Throttle.

Of nothing else, it will be a good place to kill some time waiting for the On Pit Row Podcast to be posted. And besides, it might be better to read my thoughts rather than recalling the melody of Cat Scratch Fever as you listen to my voice.

For those that by some strange convergence of common sense and a terminal case of boredom have hung out at Full Throttle for the past four years - or the time it took to read thus far - hear’s your chance to say thank you in a touching and meaningful way.

As one who lives in a house populated with a wife and two daughters the feminine smell at times overwhelms. A touch of a manly smell is just the thing to counter the odor of all that foo-foo juice that lingers in the air. Your giving mood can be sated with a gift of Mandels the candle for manly men. And really, who doesn’t like manly?

You can view the selections available in Full Throttle Gift Registry in the video below. Enter your gift selection in the Registry by dropping a note in the comment section.

Also included below is a short retrospective of events occurring in the month of February.

Four years ago nearly to the minute and second this outpost of partial insanity was born with a humble (?) introduction. That week also featured the ultimate in video game/NASCAR simulators using an actual Cup car raced by 2002 Cup champion Matt Kenseth.

February 2005 I detailed Rusty Wallace’s then new venture in the corn fields of Iowa that has progressed to the point many are calling for a Sprint Cup date for the Iowa Speedway.

Coincidentally Feb. ‘05 mimicked this past weekend. Greg Biffle called his shot at Fontana-California-Auto Club something or other race track and pulled it off. And like this week Roush Fords dominated the top spots.

Greg not only predicted he’d take the checker before the green flew but also what lap he’s assume the lead on.

February 2006, oh what a shock! Fontana was a CessPool officially (I sense a pattern here) and Brian France’s head was exploding.

February 2007: Ugly it was. The month ended with ass-hatted politicians in Washington State doing what they do best, showing their ass. There was a horse named “Cheating” that was again being beaten dead and more Toyota/DW hate than you can stuff in a burlap sack. And to end the month there was some wild assed dreaming going on in Razorback land.

The Half-Vast Staff @ Full Throttle thanks each and everyone of you who not only send their best wishes on this most auspicious day, ’cause you know you will, but also dig deep… deep into your pockets to reward the staff on past and future nonsensical ravings found around these parts.

Don’t ask why ’cause I haven’t a clue.

It must be my animal magnetism, stellar attention to detail and prodigious purveyor of bovine excrement, ’cause I didn’t pay them a dime.

“NASCAR blogs are among the most informed and intelligent across all sports. Bloggers who focus their efforts on team sports generally have an inside track, yet they limit analysis to their favorite competitors.

However, the best NASCAR blogs illuminate their favorites and also showcase a particularly well-honed general knowledge and analysis of the sport,” says Kathleen Hessert President of Charlotte, NC based Sports Media Challenge.

Here’s the list based on a number of factors including influence, community and relevance:

1. The Daly Planet

2. From the Marbles

3. One Bad Wheel

4. Bench Racing with Steve and Charlie (NOTE: Thanks to Luke, who should be on the list, here’s Steve and Charlie’s new digs)

5. Restrictor Plate This

6. Answer this

THE GIFT
Author Unknown

T’WAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS,
HE LIVED ALL ALONE,
IN A ONE BEDROOM HOUSE MADE OF
PLASTER AND STONE.

I HAD COME DOWN THE CHIMNEY
WITH PRESENTS TO GIVE,
AND TO SEE JUST WHO
IN THIS HOME DID LIVE.

I LOOKED ALL ABOUT,
A STRANGE SIGHT I DID SEE,
NO TINSEL, NO PRESENTS,
NOT EVEN A TREE.

NO STOCKING BY MANTLE,
JUST BOOTS FILLED WITH SAND,
ON THE WALL HUNG PICTURES
OF FAR DISTANT LANDS.

WITH MEDALS AND BADGES,
AWARDS OF ALL KINDS,
A SOBER THOUGHT
CAME THROUGH MY MIND.

FOR THIS HOUSE WAS DIFFERENT,
IT WAS DARK AND DREARY,
I FOUND THE HOME OF A SOLDIER,
ONCE I COULD SEE CLEARLY.

THE SOLDIER LAY SLEEPING,
SILENT, ALONE,
CURLED UP ON THE FLOOR
IN THIS ONE BEDROOM HOME.

THE FACE WAS SO GENTLE,
THE ROOM IN SUCH DISORDER,
NOT HOW I PICTURED
A UNITED STATES SOLDIER.

WAS THIS THE HERO OF WHOM I’D JUST READ?
CURLED UP ON A PONCHO, THE FLOOR FOR A BED?
I REALIZED THE FAMILIES
THAT I SAW THIS NIGHT,
OWED THEIR LIVES TO THESE SOLDIERS
WHO WERE WILLING TO FIGHT.

SOON ROUND THE WORLD,
THE CHILDREN WOULD PLAY,
AND GROWNUPS WOULD CELEBRATE
A BRIGHT CHRISTMAS DAY.

THEY ALL ENJOYED FREEDOM
EACH MONTH OF THE YEAR,
BECAUSE OF THE SOLDIERS,
LIKE THE ONE LYING HERE.

I COULDN’T HELP WONDER
HOW MANY LAY ALONE,
ON A COLD CHRISTMAS EVE
IN A LAND FAR FROM HOME.

THE VERY THOUGHT
BROUGHT A TEAR TO MY EYE,
I DROPPED TO MY KNEES
AND STARTED TO CRY.

THE SOLDIER AWAKENED
AND I HEARD A ROUGH VOICE,
“SANTA DON’T CRY,
THIS LIFE IS MY CHOICE;

I FIGHT FOR FREEDOM,
I DON’T ASK FOR MORE,
MY LIFE IS MY GOD,
MY COUNTRY, MY CORPS.”

THE SOLDIER ROLLED OVER
AND SOON DRIFTED TO SLEEP,
I COULDN’T CONTROL IT,
I CONTINUED TO WEEP.

I KEPT WATCH FOR HOURS,
SO SILENT AND STILL
AND WE BOTH SHIVERED
FROM THE COLD NIGHT’S CHILL.

I DIDN’T WANT TO LEAVE
ON THAT COLD, DARK, NIGHT,
THIS GUARDIAN OF HONOR
SO WILLING TO FIGHT.

THEN THE SOLDIER ROLLED OVER,
WITH A VOICE SOFT AND PURE,
WHISPERED, “CARRY ON SANTA,
IT’S CHRISTMAS DAY, ALL IS SECURE.”

ONE LOOK AT MY WATCH, AND I KNEW HE WAS RIGHT.
“MERRY CHRISTMAS MY FRIEND, AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT.”

(ALSO check out Doug Demmons’ “Twas the Month Before Daytona.)