Full Throttle

Remember Twisted Sister?

No, not the old Cup car that resembled an arthritic snake after NASCAR body shops spent years twisting Ford, Chevy and Dodge bodies beyond any recognition.

No, I refer to the rock group Twisted Sister that sang “You Can’t Stop Rock an Roll?”

Well at this point, and it’s early in it’s lifespan and progress up the coast is slow, but Hanna may prove the songs lyrics false you can stop Rock and Roll [400].

Richmond International Raceway officials said yesterday they are monitoring Tropical Storm Hanna but the weekend’s NASCAR events, including the Chevy Rock & Roll 400 Saturday at 8 p.m., “are currently scheduled to run as planned.”

The last time a Saturday night race at RIR was rained out (the Crown Royal 400 on May 5, 2007), it started on Sunday at 1:15 p.m.

I’m betting the event runs Sunday, or later.

I tried, I really did.

In fact I burned up Google and the language conversion sites looking for correctly saying good-by in the Gaelic language. I turned up nothing so… in English: Good-by Dario Franchitti.

A well known, if not over used phrase comes to mind: “Life’s a bitch, and then you marry one, and then you join a Ganassi NASCAR Team.”

Yeah, go ahead Ganassi fans jump my butt. Before you do give me a plausible reason why a guy can have such a successful run in sport cars and IndyCar and suck hind teat on a boar hog in NASCAR.

In other news you can lose: Is there anything Kyle Busch can’t win at?

Kyle Busch and NHRA star Tony Shumacher raced a pair of street legal cars down Bruton Smith’s just opened Z-Max dragway Tuesday. Busch won all three passes down the quarter mile.

So, when will the new restrictor plate be issued?

I mean if NASCAR can selectively give an entire marquee a new plate as a result of a single teams Nationwide Series performance they can certainly give Sprint Cup Chevy teams the same after the #48 made a shambles of the Fontana field Sunday. Right?

They will won’t they? Or am I by chance wishing upon a dry well? (If you hadn’t noticed those were rhetorical questions - ed.)

But hey, it could be far worse than having a single team dominate as Johnson did Sunday. In fact it has been worse, far worse (at many times, at many places and far more wins than even Kyle has now), so be careful what you wish for.

Can we call the Fontana track snake-bit?

Sure you can lay some blame on piss-poor marketing - at least I do - and some poor scheduling by NASCAR that may be solved somewhat in 2009 but really, how else do you describe yellow caution lights falling onto the track, twice, anything but snake-bit?

It’s not like they were smacked by a careening race car, they fell of their own volition and seemed to fall as a result of the whoosh of passing race cars. Is that proof positive the new Sprint Cup car “sucks?”

UNDER THE RADAR: Anyone but me notice Robby Gordon’s slow inexorable slide out of the top 35? He sits in 35th a mere 18 pts ahead of Penske’s #77 - which may be his saving grace - and 55 ahead of the #00. And to make matters slightly worse he has to peddle a bit faster at this weeks venue where his average finish has been a tick over 30th. Oh… and Hornish has averaged 23rd is his short time in Cup at RIR.

IN OTHER NEWS: Frank Kimmel did his best Jimmie Johnson impression in the 56th Southern Illinois 100 Monday afternoon dominating on the one mile dirt surface. Patrick Sheltra was runner-up and ageless Ken Schrader, in his self-own Federated Auto Parts Chevrolet, finished third. That Scott Speed guy crossed the line in eighth and maintains a 75 point advantage over second place Roush driver Ricky Stenhouse, Jr in the points battle.

And finally… China wins, China WINS!

P.S. The small black object in the Fontana sun-setting sky in the image above is NASCAR’s newly formed Cheating Police Eye-in-the-Sky. Equipted with the latest spy gear, such as a civillian version of the U.S. Navys MAD Gear to detect magnetic anomalyies and other illegal subtrafuge by those EVIL “cheaters,” it will be in use at all NASCAR events from now until, well all… perpetuity actually. If that can be called a time limit.

A few days ago Speed TV floated the rumor Joey Logano would make his Cup presence felt at the wheel of the #96 entry fielded by Hall of Fame Racing.

At the time I rated it less than likely, but also used the “weasel phrase” on the other the hand as a way to hedge my bet.

Well I lose, (But glad I weaseled my way into being close) HoF has confirmed what was rumor, Logano will make 5 Cups starts for HoF starting with the Sept. 14 Sylvania 300 at New Hampshire Motor Speedway. (Can you hear Bruton Smith cheering in the background?)

“We look forward to working with Joey during the five races he will drive the No. 96 DLP HDTV Toyota,” said Tom Garfinkel, co-owner of Hall of Fame Racing. “We’re happy to work with Joe Gibbs Racing to assist in Joey’s development as he prepares for a full season in Sprint Cup next year.”

“We appreciate Hall of Fame Racing helping us get Joey ready for 2009,” said J.D. Gibbs, president of Joe Gibbs Racing. “They came to us with the idea before the August Michigan race and we think it’s a great win/win for all of us.”

Well good, for that kid but it was just a short time ago, Aug 7th to be precise, another kid had this to say about racing for HoF:

“I have really enjoyed my time testing with the people on the team and I’m looking forward to having a successful weekend at Michigan in the DLP HDTV Toyota and helping Hall of Fame Racing finish out the season as strong as possible.”

That was Brad Coleman a short three weeks ago when he was handed the #96 ride.

I guess when you’re 20 as Coleman is, and Joe Gibbs comes knocking on the door of its satellite team HoF 18 years of age is the “new 20″

Too bad because they both deserve a shot at a quality ride in Cup.

I’ll provides a few quotes and anecdotes, you provide the answer as to who said driver is. And note, those with sensitive ears and eyes may want to look away.

I’ll start with the most astounding quote in my book because it comes from Jim Hunter, Hunter of the “vanilla ice cream is too racy for my tastes,” and the “any answer is a good answer as long as it’s noncommittal” when talking to the press.

“He’s been an asshole at times,” Jim Hunter.

On the plane ride home from a track he plays computer mah-jongg and listens to Led Zeppelin. His fridge at home contains a six-pack of Schlitz and some canned tangerine wedges marinated in rum.

There is virtually no reading material in his house, “You want to hide something from me?” he says. “Put it in a book.”

This driver looks at the screen during quals, and another car’s time pops up. “There’s the dickhead,” he says to no one in particular.

Said of Dale Jr. while watching the spring NNS event at Talladega and wearing tighty-whiteys and eating microwaved Chef Boyardee ravioli: “Shit, you can’t blame Junior, even if it’s his fault.”

There’s so much more in the eight page article, but as I said it might not be safe for sensitive ears and eyes, it is Rolling Stone afterall.

So, before you look who is the driver?

So, there’s a change to next year’s Budweiser Shootout format at Daytona.

Instead of it being a race between the previous years race and pole position winners it will pit a field of 24 cars representing the top six teams from Chevrolet, Dodge, Ford and Toyota. The starting line-up will be by determined by a blind draw held Feb. 5 at Daytona.

What does it all mean? For starters it means Tony Stewart and 2008 Daytona 500 winner Ryan Newman won’t be in the Shootout lineup because of their change of teams.

Beyond that, not much.

Sure, the Chevy, Ford, Dodge (formerly known as The Big Three, now not so much) and Toyota will burn up a few hundred reams of paper with press releases pimping the event, fans will awaken from their two month slumber and the booth bobbleheads get a chance to shake off their broadcasting cobwebs but when looking at the big picture, who cares?

Unless you’re a die-heard fan of this years winner can you name him? (when will it be a her?) The event means no points, with a bit of glory for the driver that lasts a few days and that’s about it.

Ho-hum!

Kyle Busch tried to win at Bristol Saturday evening, in fact he dominated the race leading over 400 laps, but a little thing called a graphite bumper from Carl Edwards got between him and the checkered flag.

Not an entirely bad thing when looking at the overall scheme of things. In fact it might even be a good idea for someone to pull an old short track promoters scam out of their bag of tricks.

Put a bounty on his head.

There’s no need to wipe out a race, just bang him around enough, and late enough in the next two events to prevent a win. And don’t think that wasn’t Edwards secondary thought behind winning when he tapped Busch on lap 470 even if it was sans any bounty. That little exhibition of bumper tag created a 20 point swing in Chase bonus points. No small thing at this late date.

Better to be 30 points out than 50 if every thing remains the same between now and Loudon.

Oh, and that rivalry thing everyone was drumming up the last couple weeks between Busch and Edwards, think nothing of it. Just because Edwards had won 2 of the last seven events and Busch 3, think nothing of it, they both say so.

And don’t think nothing of that “love tap” Busch gave Edwards during the cool down lap either, nor the reciprocal tap Edwards gave Busch.

Cousin Carl claims the steering wheel slipped out of his grip, that’s his story, and probably sticking to it!

Jack in the Hat said a couple weeks ago Edwards was ready to win a title, this Edwards quote plays into that remark very well: “I just kind of ran into him. That’s what happened … I have a lot of respect for the guy, and he was real fast, but we can’t give up points when they’re right there for us to take.”

OTHER NOTES: Wonder what story Dale Jr. is sticking to after getting nabbed at race start for jumping the green.

Has anyone sitting third in points at this stage ever seen so many things go wrong? Jumping the green was just plain dumb, but with all the pit calls gone wrong so far it’s like the team has a snake under the seat that jumps out and bites at the most inopportune time.

But amazingly he sits a comfortable third, but you get the feeling come Chase time that snake will still be there.

Richard Childress Racing announced that Casey Mears will drive for its #07 Jack Daniel’s® team and Clint Bowyer will move to its new #33 Cheerios®/Hamburger Helper® team for the 2009 NASCAR Sprint Cup Series season.

With focus on having all three current RCR teams making the 2008 Chase for the Championship, RCR will continue its on-going process of evaluating team performance throughout the year to determine the crew chief, engineer and crew member lineups for the 2009 season.

“We’re always looking for ways to improve RCR and feel strongly that this driver lineup will improve our company as a whole with our move to four teams next year,” said Richard Childress, president and CEO of RCR.

“These changes will continue to raise the bar and we have every intention of getting all four teams into the Chase in 2009 with the ultimate goal of one of our teams winning the championship. RCR is very fortunate to have partners like Jack Daniel’s, Shell-Pennzoil and AT&T, in addition to new sponsors Cheerios, Hamburger Helper and Caterpillar, that work with us and support our making the competition decisions necessary to provide them with the best on-track performance possible.”

Mears will join RCR for his seventh season of NASCAR Sprint Cup Series competition. The Bakersfield, Calif., native earned a dramatic victory in the 2007 Coca-Cola 600 at Lowe’s Motor Speedway and also has three poles to his credit.

“This is a great opportunity and I’m honored to become part of both the Jack Daniel’s family and the RCR family,” said Mears. “Richard Childress and everyone at Jack Daniel’s have put a lot of faith in me to continue the winning tradition that’s been established by the No. 07 Jack Daniel’s team over the last couple of years and I look forward to the chance to live up to those expectations.”

I’m a little late with this, but good comedy stands the test of time, besides, when the comedian is Jimmie Johnson note has to be taken.

It seems J.J. had more on his mind than a victory Wednesday as he took to Bristol’s high banks for his NCTS debut. He was thinkin’ — “I’m gonna get me some!”

On lap 63, TV’s Speed channel showed what it called a “hit list” Johnson had taped in his Randy MossMotorsports #81 truck, with a Sharpie dangling above it to check off his tasks.

Speed reporter Ray Dunlapsaid Johnson had spent about an hour prerace making a list of drivers whose trucks he wanted to hit during the race. Sure seemed like he was kidding, with maybe one exception.

The list showed the numbers 33 (Ron Hornaday Jr.)and 5 (Mike Skinner), followed by three consecutive 51s. (obsess about Rowdy much? - ed)

The 51 truck is driven by Kyle Busch,a love-him-or-hate-him rival and former Hendrick teammate of Johnson’s in the Sprint Cup Series. Hendrick dumped Busch after last season to make room for Earnhardt.

Funny stuff, similar things should be encouraged, or at least more publicized if there’s more there than the general public sees.

Other Bristol notes: It must suck to be Dale Jr. about now. Granted he’s safely in the Chase, but starting at the back of the Bristol field (40th) is a potential minefield of graphite bumpers, spina-ramas, clouds of tire smoke and a 30th or worse finish.

On the other hand, HoF Racing must be pleased after their designated Bristol driver Ken Schrader put the DLP HDTV Toyota inside the fourth row for the Sharpie 500.

Reed Sorenson, at center of all driver hopping speculation at the moment, timed in at 30th. Fox Sports is reporting Sorenson has agreed in principle to drive for Gillett Evernham Motorsports in 2009.

The Ganassi tale of woe continues I guess, if true and all indicators point to it being so, that leaves Chip two major sponsors and one driver short for the 2009 Cup season’s. For now, I’m still convinced Juan “Latino Piloto is Muy Bueno” Montoya isn’t long for Ganassi. It might not be this week, or before Homestead but by hook, crook or lawyer intervention he won’t be in a Ganassi ride come Daytona.

Sam Hornish Jr’s Sprint Cup crew chief Chris Carrier has been shown the garage door of Penske Racing South.

He’s being replaced by Travis Geisler who’s previously been the race engineer for Ryan Newman’s #12 Dodge.

This is kind of a strange move in one sense (unless it’s somehow linked to Newman leaving Penske) Hornish is the top rookie which makes it rather odd. On the other hand the ‘08 campaign is essentially over for the #77 and in all probability Penske is looking at getting a jump on next year.

In other news: Brad Coleman’s time behind the wheel of the #96 wasn’t very long. Ken Schrader is replacing the rookie at Bristol this weekend.

“Ken Schrader has a lot of experience at Bristol and we felt with as competitive as the field will be this weekend, he gives us the best chance to be successful,” said Tom Garfinkel, co-owner of Hall of Fame Racing.

Presumably he means qual performance because with the team sitting in 40th and 279 out of 35th in the owners standings they have zero hope of improving that any.

And in Ganassi news: There is a report out, confirmed by a media representative for Ganassi Racing, Texaco-Havoline is not only dumping sponsorship of the Montoya ride but leaving NASCAR in any capacity.

That leaves Chip with two of his three Sprint Cup teams looking, begging, cajoling sponsorship, times two, for 2009. Losta luck given the teams historical mid-pack performance level.

Technorati Tags: Penske Racing, Sprint Cup, Sam Hornish Jr. Ken Schrader