Full Throttle

Well now, it’s the last race of the year. You’d think everyone would be on their best behavior and not act the fool. With 3 months until any chance of redeeming oneself - and escaping from the Cesspool of infamy - everyone would be good little boys. They almost made it, but missed it “by that much,” as Maxwell Smart used to say. There are a few entries to note.

And they start with the pre-race festivities. Who in Hell thought it was a good idea to place Scott Stapp, lead singer for Creed, in a position to sing the National Anthem? He sounded like he suffered from the world’s worst case of constipation! When you think about it constipation and Cesspools don’t exactly go hand in hand, but they do in this context. Go back to your rock group Scott you have a great voice for that genre.

I shouldn’t pick on Sterling Marlin or his new #14 ride for 2006 and I’m not, exactly, just the commercial stunt his new sponsor pulled. As most of you have read Marlin’s 2006 primary sponsor on the #14 is Waste Management. So what do these pinheads at the company do? They decided Marlin should kick off the relationship by driving into the paddock in a garbage truck, wearing a Waste Management driver’s uniform. Cute, real cute. It makes my job easier though. It’s a short step from a fly chased, stinking garbage truck to a dip in a stinking odiferious Cesspool. Enjoy your swim guys. (NOTE: There is absolutely no truth to the rumor that Jack Roush tossed Brian France’s position papers, emails and faxs on team limits in the back of the garbage truck! Honest.)

Someone: Driver, crew, crew chief or spotter (or all the the above) of the #48 gets tossed into the pool. When your that close to winning a NASCAR championship, with half the race to be run, how do you NOT come in for tires. I’ll buy the waiting for a yellow excuse, partially. But really, honestly, how do you not do it when NASCAR hands out free laps via the “Lucky Mongrel” like candy at a kids birthday party? I will never understand it. And I bet Jimmie won’t either. And the two drivers that noticed the deflating Goodyear (and radioed same) two laps before fender met SAFER Barrier will be scratching their heads bald wondering the same thing.

The final entry this week goes to NASCAR and its “stealth rules.” OR not, you be the judge, but let me set the scenario first. Friday at Homestead saw Tony Stewart take the #20 for a spin, literally, during practice. He kept it off the wall but there was some question in the crews, and Smoke’s mind if the little stovebolt V8 was hurt by overeving it.

Should the team change it before qualifying?

Changing engines during the weekend is a no-no; even if it’s done out of necessity, the penalty is getting bumped to the back of the field. But it could be a lot worse if a team changes engines to gain an advantage.

“It was a gut-wrenching decision,” NASCAR spokesman Jim Hunter said Monday. “The team couldn’t find any damage and neither could NASCAR, but the team asked us what the options were.

“If they didn’t change the engine and something was damaged, that could have cost Stewart the championship. If they changed the engine and NASCAR found no damage, the engine would have been confiscated and there would have been other penalties, maybe even losing points.”

Maybe I’m missing something here, or maybe it’s another NASCAR “stealth rule,” at this point I’m unsure.

I understand this much. If I say I have a damaged motor, NASCAR allows me to make the change, and I game the system by changing out a perfectly good powerplant with one that has 50 more HP, yea, go ahead wack my pee-pee. Do what you have to do. But that hardly seems the case does it?

As I said, I’m unsure and just throw it out for discussion more than a valid entry into the Pool.

Anyway, this is the last Cesspool of the season, at least race wise. The next 3 months should provide enough fodder coming out of Daytona Beach and “HE, who shall be obeyed” to keep in it running on at least a monthly basis.

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