Full Throttle

That’s the sound of my TV on/off button. It’s the only way to escape the Superbowl hype and nonsensical bluster. Sorry, I’ll continue my 5 year abstention from the National Felons League.

Top Ten Reasons not to Watch the Superbowl

10. Just recieved an SOS from the Tidy Bowl Man.

9. It’s 84 degrees and the weeds are taller than my corn.

8. Tired of answering the daughters persistent question: “Daddy, why are those guys larger than the Incredible Hulk?”

7. More excitment can be had watching my Crock Pot bubble its contents of Five Alarm Chili.

6. Rumor has it that Oprah will nominate another book to her “must read” list. (Hey even phoney lying authors are better than the Superbowl)

5. The local mini-mart has a special on fish sticks.

4. Bill Cowher’s scowl frightens little children and blue-haired old ladies.

3. Had a “wardrobe malfunction” and will spend 3 hours darning my left sock. (or 5 hours. 12? 24? Oh hell, the entire 2 weeks prior. It’s a BIG sock!)

2. Lost my fascination for watching grown men patting each others asses.

And the number one reason to not watch the Superbowl - I hate Gatoraid!

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