Full Throttle

Toyota rolled out their 2007 entry in the F1 World Championship in Cologne, Germany on Friday.

Aside from the normal optimism that comes with a new season came a humble admission by Toyota’s major domo Tsutomu Tomita. Tomita-san offered an apology for the teams unproductive past performance:

“It was a really disappointing year,” team boss Tsutomu Tomita said before the launch of the Cologne-based team’s TF107 challenger to the sound of Japanese drummers.

“We made an unfortunate announcement about our first win just one year ago. We failed to succeed. We want to apologize to our worldwide fans and sponsors.”

While this act of contrition is warranted - Toyota fell from a 4^th place finish (88 points) in 2005 to 6^th (35 points) last year - it’s hardly surprising.

The Japanese by nature are very humble and self-effacing. When things go wrong its all about saving face and showing respect to the family name, the Toyota family in this case.

I wonder if this will start a trend for others in motorsport to emulate?

Will we be disappointed when an apology isn’t forthcoming from Paul Tracy? The CCWS star had a forgettable 2006 going winless, leading only FIVE laps all year and wound up 7^th in the standings.

Shouldn’t the companies that produce golf carts issue a sincere apology for providing four-wheeled bucking-broncos to Paul Tracy and NASCAR Champ Jimmie Johnson? (or should it be the bartenders)

Greg Biffle, consensus pick to win the 2006 NEXTEL Cup Championship. Failed to make the Chase with only two wins and finished 13^th in the standings. Maybe this should be a joint apology. Jack Roush provided a Ford Fusion that ran about as fast as an old Russian Lada. Jack, Greg… we’re waiting for you two to issue a Tomita-like act of contrition.

You know, this apology thing seems to work pretty well. Bet it would work if the clock were pushed back also.

Mario Andretti, who won the F1 championship in 1978, rode home in a Lotus 78/79 that ushered in the “ground effects” era of the sport. But Lotus and others on the grid looked like frickin’ doorstops. To add insult to injury (literally) the cars were uglier to drive than they appeared. Niki Lauda described it best: “To be honest, there was no such thing as cornering technique in the ground effect era. ‘Cornering’ was a euphemism for rape practiced on the driver.”

That worked rather well. Lets time shift the clock ahead a bit.

“I stand before you on bended knee, with submissive respect to apologize for what can only be called an unmitigated disaster. A 10^th grade science experiment gone horribly wrong!”

“Through six years of design and testing, redesign and retesting, becoming tone deaf to critics, and finally sitting idle as 16 events unfolded that proved the critics right, I apologize!”

“I Brian France, a/k/a HWSBO, apologize for foisting the Car of Tomorrow on NASCAR Nation. It’s a small act but I fully intend to personally purchase all the remaining CoT’s from each team. From an original fleet of approximately 200 I’ll cut a tax deductable check to cover the cost of the remaining 25 that weren’t damaged beyond repair as drivers skidded, screeched and pin-balled their way around NASCAR race tracks from sea to shining sea.”

“In addition, to prevent a reoccurance of the worst year in NASCAR history, I have directed the research and development center located in Charlotte be redesigned for use as the first NASCAR mental health clinic. NASCAR fans, drivers, owners and pitcrew members suffering from Post Traumatic Car of Tomorrow Stress Syndrome (PTCotSS) will be admitted and treated free of charge.” (some restrictions apply)

Signed Brian France

(DISCLAIMER: Remember, satire is best when smoked!)

NASCAR, NEXTEL Cup, F1, Formula One, Sports, Auto Racing, Motorsports, Full Throttle