Full Throttle

Oh…wait!

This can’t be Chad, he doesn’t do altered spoilers. His forte is rear window areas, roof heights lower than a gnats ass, and taking “liberties” with the size and shape of CORN fenders.

Guess I should blame crew chief Chad Walter.

The No. 5 car Earnhardt will drive in Saturday’s Nationwide Series opener was impounded by NASCAR on Thursday night after officials discovered the team altered the spoiler to create an aerodynamic advantage following inspection.

The car was returned on Friday morning minus the trunk lid and spoiler, repaired and sent back through inspection. It will be allowed to run in the race.

Following inspection? Sounds pretty damn deliberate to me.

“That’s not something either of them approve of,” Eury Sr. said. “Neither side [NASCAR or Earnhardt] is happy about it.”

Ya think?! I mean what the hell, no sooner than Junior gets the first taste of Hendick power he’s turned into “A Cheater!” NASCAR’s most popular driver is A Cheater. The horrors. The humanity!. Where’s Chicken Little when you need him?

(Is that the “Evil Mother Teresa” I hear laughing in the corner?)

Mr. Walter all things considered, and with an eye towards your unanticipated job search, may I suggest a solution to your current dilemma?

Use Brain France’s recent words against him. That whole return to the good old days thing will work. Say you intend to run the car just as it was returned, sans trunk lid and spoiler.

Tell the NASCAR’s Committee of Horrors ( a/k/a National Stock Car Racing Commission) you fully intend to compete the rest of the 2008 Nationwide Series without Dale Jr’s truck lid to give a modern interpretation of the Convertible Era of NASCAR.

Trust me, it will work, if anyone knows covering stinky piles it’s me. And you sir have laid a very large one on the doorstep of Junior Nation.

(DISCLAMER: The above “solution” will in no way mitigate any response forthcoming from the National Guard and primary sponsor of the #5 Chevy. The Half-Vast Staff™ of Full Throttle will in no way be responsible for incoming artillery rounds from M109A6 Paladin self-propelled howitzers or M270A1 Multiple Launch Rocket Systems. You’re on your own buddy, we’re duckin’ & coverin’!)

UPDATE: Looks as though Michael Waltrip Racing will be in need of a little “help” from the Half-Vast Staff™ of FT as well. His Nationwide/David Reutimann ride was busted during tech-inspec also. Mikey, it’s not nice to fool the inspectors with carb venturis big enough to drive a UPS truck through.

Call us, we can help, just ask that fella noted up above.