Full Throttle

“Dear Lord: The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here's the deal: You freeze everything the way it is, and I won't ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign..... OK, deal. In gratitude, I present you this offering of cookies and milk. If you want me to eat them for you, give me no sign..... Thy will be done.” - Homer Simpson.

Frankly I am getting on the far side of my teenage years, way far, but usually the DNA based memory-chip works fine. For some strange reason I’ve been totally distracted by off-track events at Indianapolis this past weekend.

It was only after guzzling every last drop of milk in the fridge, and a swift kick in the arse by the far better half I realized… “Oh yeah, it was friggin’ pole day for the Indy 500!”

But hey, at least I have an excuse no matter how tenuous to reality it is, and besides with Penske Racing sitting in the first two slots of the starting grid it’s like “so what else is new.”

Sure having Helio Castroneves escape the clutches of the IRS to win Penske’s 15th Indy pole is the story of the weekend, but odds were it would be him or teammate Ryan Briscoe who was knocked down a step by Helio’s record run.

It was a big day for Penske, who also placed Will Power, his third driver, ninth among the 11 drivers who locked up starting spots in the 33-car race field Saturday.

“Three in nine is pretty good,” said Penske, who also has a record 14 Indy wins. “We’ve just got to be sure we’ve got one of those in the Winner’s Circle on race day.”

2007 Indy winner, Target Chip Ganassi Racing and NASCAR exile Dario Franchitti sits on the outside of the first row.

As for the lactose intolerant girl pictured above she starts inside the third row with the seventh quickest speed.

Lining up directly behind her in tenth place will be Paul Tracy, he of “I was cheated of the 2002 500 win by a yellow caution light” fame, the Canadain was second fastest on day two of qualifying Sunday.

“This [qualifying format] makes your mouth dry and your nerves get up,” said Tracy (He must mean like this - ed), who does not have a regular ride in the Indy Racing League this season but has signed for the 500, plus the two Canadian events at Toronto and Edmonton later this summer.

“You know, to do it once is OK, but having to hang on four or eight or 12 [laps] is a different story.”

Rookie Raphael Matos was fastest on the day and starts ninth.

Anyway, that’s it for me. I’ve got more milk to drink, and a picture to look at.

As for the drivers they’ll be sitting idle until Thursday when the track opens back up for what used to be called Carburation Day.

Yeah right, how many decades since that term was applicable?