Full Throttle

It has to be!

How else to explain Hendrick Motorsports failing to win the pole for one of NASCAR’s marquee events? Go ahead, I dare you to spin a tale of why Jimmie Johnson sits in the eleventh row at his home track that doesn’t include black helicopters and mucho-denero payoffs?

And while adjusting that foil hat puzzle away on why Hendricks least performing driver in 2007 was the teams highest qualifier? (NOTE: Jeffy gets a pass, his slow time is attributed to an acute case of “Stork Fever,” I think)

Come on all you conspiracy nuts admit it, NASCAR has finally tired of being accused of overlooking every Hendrick rule infraction, told Ray as much and the Hendrick stable had to present themselves in the tech line completely legal!

And qualifying suckage commenced.

Right?

On the other hand the conspiracy theorists can take heart. As NASCAR’s Evil Hendrick Plotters plans have blown up in their faces a new one has come to the fore.

Witness Charlotte’s front row and the pole sitter for the Indy 500. It’s the birth of the Penske Perfidy Plot to rule the racing world.

Then again Penske may have just kicked everyone’s ass fair and square. I tend to believe Penske just went about kicking ass, listing the names along the way.

For the sake of full disclosure, I misplaced my favorite foil hat so the above may or may not resemble my “normal reality” and you can discard any part of it, or all of it.