Full Throttle

Unlike previous years when NASCAR’s top tier series had its first off week following the season opening Daytona 500 a Charlotte Suit had a light bulb go on over their head. (Or a hickory cluebat slam the back of their neck.)

This years schedule has gone through it’s first five dates without a break and will sit idle for the next two weeks. That gives rise to the question of what to do for the next few days before the PR machine revs up prior to the Martinsville Goody’s Cool Orange 500 on March 28^th.

As a public service the Half-Vast Staff™ of Full Throttle has compiled a list of the Top Ten Things to do During the Sprint Cup Hiatus.

10. Pull out the kids slot car set put on that 2-Layer NOMEX Driver/Firesuit and “Boggity, Boggity, Boggity” vicariously.

9. Come clean! Finally admit the NASCAR Original Slot Car Race Set wasn’t little Johnny’s Christmas present after all.

8. Feed the pets. There’s a reason they’ve made themselves scarce lately, setup shop by the mailbox complete with Salvation Army type collection pot and “Free to a Good Home” placard.

7. Cut the grass and pull the weeds. Being nominated as Blue Collar TV’s ‘Redneck Yard of the Week‘ should have been the first clue. The second was when the NGC’s film crew of Dangerous Encounters with Brady Barr rolled up the driveway.

6. Replace Sunday’s NASCAR action with a neighborhood BBQ. Failing to show after being shoved under the bus for the last five weeks the “neighbors” are also replaced with life-size cardboard cutouts. But what the hell, the grocery bill is cheaper and there are plenty of hot wings left for Martinsville Sunday!

5. Check-in with your NASCAR Blogging isn’t Everything 12-Step Program Coordinator. Failing that (you’re number 37 on the “Now Serving List” that reads #3) call Dr. Phil.

4. Fresh off a 72-hour NASCAR binge you renounce your membership in The Cult of Tivo.

3. Say hello to the “Chief Cook and Bottle Washer.” You know, the person you married, the one that has become nothing more than a ready supply of snacks, beer and leers & sneers of disdain since the beginning of Speedweeks.

2. Clean out the garage. The wife’s Camry hasn’t seen the inside of it since mid-2007 when UPS and FedEx (it took more than one company and more than one trip) delivered the latest NASCAR offerings on EBay.

And number one on the Top Ten Things to do During the Sprint Cup Hiatus is…

1. Pull on a rented Rabbit Suit, it’s Easter you babbling fool. Spend the pre-dawn hours “hopping” around the homestead planting Easter Eggs, reconnect with the kids, reconnect with life as normal people know it! And don’t forget the Peeps!

The family will love you for it. They may even give in to your addiction with a gift of Nascar milk chocolate race cars or an autographed photo of legendary gas man Danny “Chocolate” Myers.

(Disclaimer: In reference to #5 above, the Half-Vast Staff™ of Full Throttle tried, honest. But the program coordinator’s line hasn’t moved in 2 days and Dr. Phil won’t pick up his line due to him being on “hiatus” with Oprah somewhere in the tropics)