NASCAR Suggestions of the Day
In lieu of my normal weekly NASCAR Cesspool feature - yes I get the week off also - will be possible suggestions directed to Michael Waltrip. They are based on the announcement that Michael Waltrip has been granted zoning approval for his planned North Carolina development called, “Waltrip Racing World.”
The Cornelius Board of Commissioners approved zoning Monday night for a race shop/ entertainment center headed by NASCAR [avatar:http://cranialcavity.net/files/cup.jpg]NEXTEL Cup[/avatar] driver Michael Waltrip. Waltrip appeared at Monday’s meeting to push his vision for “Waltrip Racing World” at the former Movies at the Lake off Interstate 77 Exit 28. After about three hours of public hearing and debate, the board granted the conditional-use zoning necessary for him to begin work.Nearby neighbors complained that a motorcoach park planned as part of the complex would hurt their property values. Waltrip Racing World representatives agreed to a long list of conditions in order to get approval.
As most of us realize every construction project runs into the “property values” issue.” If a new Vatican were to be built in Utah the local population- for obvious reasons - would all be screaming about their “property values.”
As a public service to those concerned about Waltrips project, I offer the following as solutions to their concerns and a way to mitigate the “motorcoach park” dilemma. Any and all owners or drivers of coaches possessing the following will be restricted from entering the park.
- Coaches trailing primered1953 Dodges. [NOTE: An exception will be made if the Dodge is the original or replica of Lee Petty's 1953 Dodge Hemi.]
- Anyone wearing a “I’m with Stupid” T-shirt.
- The driver of a motor coach and one randomly selected family member must correctly spell “Winnebago.”
- Anyone in possession of a Redneck Dictionary.
- Any motor home sporting a Tim Cruise “Days of Thunder” bumper sticker.
- Coaches with awnings containing the Boudreaux’s Butt Paste logo.
- Coaches hauling trailers containing goats, chickens, cows or hogs.
- Coaches having windows adorned with Starbucks parking stickers.
- Apple crate and orange box lawn furniture.
hey hey hey - watch yer mouth on the redneck jokes… Another restriction - all occupants of aforementioned coach must collectively have a full set of teeth in their mouth at the time of entry to the park.
from the Ar-kin-saw redneck chick….