Full Throttle

Well gee thanks for the auto care advice NASCAR. But no thanks.

PCNA and his minions think we should all seek professional help when its time to wash our favorite mode of transport. But somehow I think their definition of “professional” is a bit different than mine.

Bob Bahre, with all due respect and with the greatest admiration of your 17 years as owner of New Hampshire International Speedway, I’ll take two. But hold the pickles.

Oh Boo-Hoo! McLaren is sorry! Admittedly I’m having a bit of trouble with the context of this “sorry.” Is McLaren making an apology, or are they sorry in the context of, “we’re a bunch of sad sacks who thought we could get aways with it?”

Question: Spanish insurance group Mutua Madrilena made the decision to pull their McLaren sponsorship in November stating it had nothing to do with the departure of Fernando Alonzo, so… does that mean they decided they didn’t want to be associated with a bunch of lying, cheating bastards?

Armageddon is just around the corner! It must be, Mad Max Mosley has called for a halt to 14 February’s McLaren Inquisition. Excuse me, I have to stock up on canned goods & beef jerky, it might be a looooong winter.

It might be winter in some environs with much of the racing action going into a Bear-like slumber that’s not entirely true.

A1GP visits Zhuhai China - the first A1GP to be staged at the circuit - for the fourth round of the championship.

It will be interesting if Neel Jani can duplicate his duel win in round three at Sepang. Never having raced at Zhuhai shouldn’t be the problem for the Swiss ace as it is for the other 21 competitors. A1 Team Switzerland has brought in a ringer, Alexandre Imperatori has regularly raced at the track in junior formula for the past three years, and won a Formula Renault race there in 2004. Imperatori has already walked the track with Jani and the Swiss engineers, giving his advice throughout.

Over in Jolly Ole England, specifically venerable Wembley Stadium, that funky looking football is being replaced by the roar of engines as the Race of Champions (RoC) takes place this Sunday. (some call Wembley The Hallow’ed Turf, I call it a patch of grass men in shorts run around on and the best sleep aid since cavemen wielded large clubs)

The RoC sees the return of two racing legends, one on track and one in the announcing booth.

On track Schumi returns behind the wheel for the first time in a competitive event. During the Race of Champions event he’ll be racing as an individual, in the Race of Nations event he’s teamed with fellow German Sebastian Vettel (Scuderia Toro Rosso - F1) against 8 other national teams. Jimmie Johnson and Travis Pastrana (two-time Rally America National Champion) form Team USA.

Returning to the booth for the RoC is legendary F1 announcer Murray Walker. For those not familiar with Walker hit the Racing Quotes link at the top of the page to read some of his infamous verbal faux pas’. If Guiness had a record for the most malapropisms spoken in a 2 hour race broadcast Walker’s picture would reside there.

To say Walker is glad to be back behind a mic is an understatement. For the shear entertainment value he adds, so is the Half-Vast Staff™ of Full Throttle, Welcome back Murray!

And now for my Limb Walk. The buzz surrounding the RoC is the return of Michael Schumacher, and rightfully so. You can’t discount a seven-time world’s champ, especially one who has maintained form by topping all times in the recent Ferrari test sessions.

I’m going in another direction, or rather two other directions by picking two possible winners of the RoC. In no specific order I’m going with England’s own Andy Priaulx (three-time and reigning WTCC Champion) or Finland’s Marcus Gronholm (two-time World Rally Champion).

As for NASCAR’s Jimmie Johnson I’ll slot him into fourth place (semi-finals) in the RoC. A lofty goal against 17 others, the Cr