Full Throttle

You know all those crazy rabid soccer football fans in Europe, the ones that are so rowdy and uncontrollable they have their passports pulled. They are such a menace to themselves and those around them their prohibited foreign travel to attend matches outside their home country.

I first thought of the symmetry of NASCAR and soccer football fans at the California race when a few idiots were unhappy with Jeff Gordon and pelted the track with bottles, cans, and everything else throwable except Grandma’s dentures. California reminded me that a similar incident occurred the race before at Talladega. The morons in Charlotte, not to be out done by Texas or California, displayed the same lunacy during last weekends All Star Event. With this weekends race the longest on the NASCAR schedule (600 miles), and the idiot fringe given about 45 minutes extra time to consume their favorite beverage, I foresee a sequel to the last few races.

Some have suggested closing all alcohol sales after a certain time, something that has been tried in others sports. I tend to think along more draconian lines. I suggest those caught and identified be banned from the next scheduled NASCAR appearance at that track. If the incident occurs in the last event of the season for that venue the penalty rolls over to the next year. If the “fan” is one who travels with the circuit the ban would also include the nearest NASCAR venue to his home of record. A second offense would result in a 2 year ban.

Steve Nash, staff writer for CatchFence has a piece on the same subject. Drunk Apples on the NASCAR Tree

Anyone with one fifth of a brain knows that throwing stuff on the track before, during, or after the event is idiotic at best. The dangers involved (what if you miss and knock some little kid sitting in the third row?), and the ultimate anti-image that results for NASCAR stems from you, the morons, who have to throw stuff on the track.

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Something will be done if you don’t stop. Maybe the BYOB rule will be banned, and beer will cost $10 each. Of course, being that you only come to drink beer anyway (and pay $40 to get inside just to drink, come on how stupid can you be?) you are probably fuming right now, if you even know how to read.

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So, again, pat yourself on the back for making the sport just that much worse and the day that much more negative. It’s great that you put such a super role model for the very impressionable little kids at the track. You’re doing the country proud, your family proud, and your friends proud by being a jackass.

But, you probably passed out after reading one sentence in the column, so it’ll still be here when you sober up for a brief few seconds.