Full Throttle

With NASCAR taking it’s last weekend off before the end of the season it would appear they wanted to make up for lost time. This weeks NASCAR Cesspool is a virtual treasure trove of pratfalls, shear stupidity and an over flowing cup of bad luck. Lets start with the worst offender, and the shear stupidity, and work our way down the list.

You’re the [avatar:http://cranialcavity.net/files/cup.jpg]NEXTEL Cup[/avatar] points leader 6 events away from the Chase. How in the Sam Hell do you NOT make a qualifying run! But the “dangling chain” incident during inspection was only the beginning. Jimmie Johnson, now the former points leader, did a self imposed spinarama. On a later stop, on lap 92, he left pitroad with an extra “aerodynamic device,” more commonly called a gas catch can! Still not satisfied the weekend was a total loss Johnson’s right front GoodBadyear intervened and sent the #48 into the turn four SAFCO. Thankfully Johnson didn’t suffer injury, although his trip from turn four to pitroad isn’t even a distant memory, it’s zero memory. And he probably wants to forget the trip to the crash house and the entire weekend. For the first time in Cesspool history both driver and crew get nominated for a swim in the pool.

This is a short entry and refers to a TV shot of Michael Waltrip during the National Anthem. Hey Mikey, who does your hair, the special effects guy from the movie Twister? Geesh… welcome to the Cesspool.

Lets do a little [avatar:http://cranialcavity.net/files/cts.gif]Craftsman Truck Series[/avatar] Cesspooling shall we? Jack Sprague was running in 3rd when he stopped for his green flag pit stop halfway through the race at IRP. Coming in a bit too hot he locked up his brakes and missed his pitbox. For that offense he was “awarded” a pass through penalty. While serving that, the NASCAR speeding police nabbed him. That placed Sprague two laps down. Given that comedy of errors it’s remarkable he finished in ninth place a single lap down. Jack also looks “remarkable” in his specially fitted Cesspool wetsuit.

Next up is NBC and it’s graphics department. During the runup to the race NBC had a graphic that showed the track and race specifics. You know the type they are used every week. It outlined distance, number of laps, lap length and pitstop windows, etc, etc. But there was a major problem, the title at the top of the graphic said the track was the “New Hampshire International Speedway!” For that NBC gets a [avatar:http://cranialcavity.net/files/dunce.jpg]Dunce Award[/avatar] in addition to this dip in the pool. In the famous words of the talking heads on the Shopping Network, “but wait… there’s more!” After Pocono I awarded NBC/TNT a semi-permanent spot in the pool because of their “through the field” feature. Well they’re still there. Both times they went “through the field,” the furthest they went was 20^th position. It don’t change guys, the “field” is still 43 and you’re still in the Cesspool.

Teammates go for another Cesspool swim this week. Through no fault of his own - he got punted in the decklid by Mike Skinner - Dale Earnhardt Jr. first slammed into the inside retaining wall on lap 63. After that hit, the #8 slid uptrack and took out teammate Martin Truex Jr, among others. I tend to side with Clint Newlin of Lost Cowboys. Junior’s season has been long over, it’s only now the team and his fans will come to that realization. It’s time for the #8 crew to begin an extended 15 race test session in preps for ‘06. As Clint notes the new ‘06 Monte Carlo precludes any gains made aerodynamicaly. But putting a couple engines on “steroids” and push the limit may lead to horsepower gains for next year.

While on the subject of DEI, a mention should be made of the #8 team sending crewman to the #15 team, again. This is the third or fourth occuurence this season. Granted, with all the DNF’s Junior has suffered it has given ample opportunity, but what’s the point? Waltrip and his pit crew seem to be doing just fine without the help.

Hello Penske South Team! Guess what, you’re all diving into the pool headfirst this week. The #77 of Travis Kvapil had mechanical ills and finished 37^th, 14 laps down to the leader. Rusty Wallace placed 25^th, an improvement over his 41^st starting position, but pretty sorry considering he had no spins, or mechanical problems. Then there is the final member of Penske South, Ryan Newman. Even his rear tire carrier has no explaination for the teams sad showing or the #12’s 34^th spot in the running order other than to say, “all three of our cars ran like a bag of ****.” Yes indeed they did Trent. Better have an extra long snorkle because all of ya are deep into the Cesspool this week.

After this weeks NASCAR “invasion” of venerable old Indianapolis Motor Speedway this week sees Brain France’s circus move to a venue normally set aside for the “sporty car” set, Watkins Glen. Watkins Glen is going to be a little bit different again this year. They have made some changes in Turn One. They have added pavement in the run-off area and have taken away the sand trap. The changes shouldn’t impact the race too much but turning right should produce another lengthy Cesspool list.