Full Throttle

To the best of my knowledge the employment line outside NASCAR’s world headquarters has been fairly short given the lack of job openings available. (Excluding crew chiefs & drivers whose jobs are always subject to being eliminated at the drop of a hat.)

However, given NASCAR’s latest pronouncement from… On High, I’m beginning to wonder if Cosmo G. Spacely may have a shot at a starting position.

It seems as though someone awoke from a deep sleep and decided to impose the current carb spacer reductions on NNS entries and apply them to all Craftsman Truck entries effective today. Henceforth all NCTS engines with a cylinder bore spacing of 4.470 inches or more must compete using the smaller tapered spacer used in NNS.

I know what you’re thinkin’, Mr. Spacely turned out sprockets at his most industrious orbital plant, but really, how much of a retooling would it take to go from sprockets to spacers? They both start out as a blank piece of flat metal of various compositions.

And hey, Cosmo G. could sub-contract some of the work out. Rumor has it Stewart-Haas Racing has on premises a butt-load of CNC machines that could turn out tapered spacers faster than NASCAR can issue mid-season rule changes.

But that is just a rumor.

And, let’s be honest. Look at the picture, Mr. Spacely epitomizes both in actions and appearance how NASCAR operates.

“We need one: A worker who’s total loyalty is to Spacely Sprockets NASCAR. And, of course, to me: President, CEO, and all-around sweetiepie. Two: someone expendable” - Cosmo G. Spacely.

He’ll fit right in.

UPDATE: Despite the “slime job” I gave NASCAR above they do, on occasion, get it right. The Commission just issued their ruling on the Gibbs NNS penalties and have rescinded the drivers probation given to Logano and Stewart. Look out the window, is there a Blue Moon?