Full Throttle

Horsepower takes a back seat in this weeks Cesspool. Those that were the stoutest and with HP aplenty most of the day - Joe Nemechek, Tony Stewart, Kurt Busch, Jimmie Johnson, Matt Kenseth, Carl Edwards, and Greg Biffle to name a few - were all left in the wake of Jeremy Mayfield’s fuel stretching Dodge. (Hey, someone check to see if that dang thang isn’t one of dem dere hybrid thangs!)

“Wrath of the Wrapper,” sounds like a mis-spelled title of a Snoop Dogg song doesn’t it? Those that viewed Sunday’s NASCAR event will understand the reference. As if the lowly hot dog - nothing more than pig’s lips and butts encased in intestines - didn’t have a shady reputation already. Now it, and it’s paper wrapper, can be blamed for effecting the outcome of Sunday’s event. Most notably Kyle Busch, whose #5 Hendricks ride sucked a few wrappers into the grill work and overheated. A few laps later #5 was seen limping pitward trailing the tell tail trail of blue smoke of an engine detonation. Mark Martin, and many others, didn’t escape the “Wrath of the Wrapper” either. As the paper build-up reached epic proportions, and temp rose to cake baking levels Martin was heard to exclaim, “We can’t let this happen again!!” To which I whole heartedly agree. So next time you fans sitting track side desire one of [avatar:http://cranialcavity.net/files/dach.jpg]these[/avatar]… oops sorry wrong hot dog. If you desire one of [avatar:http://cranialcavity.net/files/hot-dog.jpg]these[/avatar] put the damn wrapper in your pocket or covered container.

Lets talk National Anthem for a moment. Admittedly it’s a very hard song for even the most accomplished singers. It’s been screwed up at some point by everyone from the Mormon Tabernacle Choir and Orchestra to William Hung. But you have to ask yourself why someone would select Julie Roberts - advertised as a “recording star” - that leans towards the Hung side of the talent scale. For that, whoever made the selection, you not only deserve this dip in the Cesspool but are given the dishonorable [avatar:http://cranialcavity.net/files/dunce.jpg]dunce cap[/avatar] as well.

Just plain, flat out piss poor luck makes the pool this week. In my dusty old memory I can’t recall anyone that has run as well as Joe Nemechek and had zero, ziltch, nada to show for it. Well… discounting flat tires, crushed sheet metal and mounting repair/replacement bills. Here Joe you need [avatar:http://cranialcavity.net/files/foot.jpg]one of these[/avatar], hang it around your mirror at Bristol.

And finally this week is for all those that berated NASCAR coverage by Foxsports and specificly Darrell’s “boggity, boggity, boggity.” NEWSFLASH: As much as I like Benny and realize he’s doing what he’s being paid to due, “cue the duck” SUCKS. So there all you NBC/TNT lovers, take that!

UPDATE: How could I forget this pool entry? But I did. Aggravate, annoy, badger, bait, banter, bedevil and tease all describe this entry. Those words and more could be seen painted on the hood of the #8 as it run in the top ten most of the day. Then with 5 laps left each word lit up neon sign like as Junior held the lead. Briefly! Then pitted for a splash and go. It don’t get worse than that if you’re a Junior fan.

Any wagers on how many cesspool entires I’ll have for Bristol next week? Something in double figures isn’t out of the question. See ya then keyboard in hand.

NASCAR, Auto Racing, Sports